Looking Down, But Far From Out
by EmoKidSid
Summary: Cid & Vincent, finding friendship, love, happiness, etc.... It was my first FFVII fic. I like it, so you should give it a shot too :3
1. Show Me The Things I've Never Wanted

I've been writing this since March of this year, two thousand and seven. But I didn't post it here cos I couldn't think of a damn title.

Yes, I know in the actual FFVII game, you get Vincent first. But I attribute that difference and any other differences/inaccuracies to artistic license.

Yes, this story's all yaoi / slash / m/m / whatever you wanna call it. So just go ahead and skedaddle if you don't wanna deal with all that, cos I don't wanna hear about it.

(The characters. They belong to Squeeeeenix.)  
(_The thoughts. __They look like this_)

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**01. Show Me The Things That I've Never Wanted Done.**

(Narrator's POV)

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"I don't like it in here," Tifa stayed close to Cloud's side as they entered the recently unlocked basement room.

"At least these guys probably aren't gonna attack us," Cid nudged at a skeleton with his foot. The skull toppled off the shoulders and onto the floor. "Heh. Sorry."

"Look, this one's still closed," Cloud hurried over to an unopen coffin in the middle of the room.

"Should we open it?" Tifa peered from behind Cloud's shoulder.

"Why?" Cid asked. He couldn't imagine why they should defile the one remaining grave.

"Well, the key to this room was guarded so carefully, and there's nothing else in this room that could be worth hiding," Cloud reasoned. He leaned down to unlatch the lid and lifted it partly off of the casket.

They stared, unsure of what to do, or even say. It wasn't a corpse or materia or massive amounts of gil...but a living, breathing person.

He was sleeping, but shifting restlessly, looking troubled. Light shone on his face, bothering him in his sleep. He opened his eyes to see three shocked, unfamiliar faces. He kicked the lid fully off of his box and escaped from its confines in one fluid move, making the others jump back. He did his best to carefully hide his all-consuming fear.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded.

"I think you were having a nightmare," Cloud explained.

"Shit. He was locked in a fucken coffin, Spike. Unless he's a vampire, I'm sure I'd be havin' nightmares too," Cid muttered, making an effort to not bring it to attention that he thought Cloud was a dumbass.

"Hah. A nightmare..." the red cloaked man scoffed. "What is the date?"

Cloud told him, and the man was silent for a moment before continuing. "Has my long sleep given me enough time to atone?" he asked to no one in particular.

"What are you saying?" Cloud asked.

"I have nothing to say to you. Get out. This mansion is the beginning of your nightmare."

"You could say that again," Cid said sarcastically.

"And just what do _you_ know about it?" the stranger snapped. Cid felt strangely guilty for upsetting him. He looked away to avoid the angered red eyes that glared at him through strands of long black hair.

Cloud started to talk about things that the stranger barely gave ear to. He had more important things to worry about. It had been thirty long years since he had been put to sleep. Had that been long enough to make amends? Perhaps he had been awakened because his sins had been forgiven. But one word immediately caught the man's attention.

"Sephiroth? You know Sephiroth?" he asked, making sure he'd heard correctly. Cloud explained recent events and reasons for their journey. The stranger listened intently, taking in every word. When the story finished, he remained silent.

"...Aaand...that's how it was. Now it's your turn." Cloud had expected some sort of response, and was slightly displeased that there was none.

"I'm sorry," the stranger said sadly. "I cannot speak."

Cloud couldn't believe what this guy said. "What?! How can you just--"

"Hearing your stories has added upon me another sin," the stranger interrupted, growing angry. "More nightmares shall come to me now. More than I previously had." He paused to compose himself, hoping the sorrowful look he briefly let slip to his face had gone unnoticed. He turned away from the small group. "Please leave."

"Come on," Tifa took Cloud's arm and led him out the door.

The sad expression stayed undetected by Cloud and Tifa. But the one who did happen to notice the one brief moment this stranger had let his guard down and let his emotions show was Cid. He didn't want to "please leave". He wanted to stay and listen. To sit close to the beautiful stranger and run his hands through the long dark hair, find out if it was as soft as it looked. To kiss away whatever troubles there were and take the stranger right there in the damn coffin.

He wouldn't, of course, but he didn't plan on leaving yet.

"You're still here," the man said after a moment, his back still turned toward the intruders.

Cid shrugged and leaned against the wall. "Well, who are you? Have a name, at least?" At this, Tifa and Cloud re-entered the room, curious to see if the question would be answered.

The stranger reluctantly faced the inquirer, not entirely sure where he should begin. "I was with...the Shinra Manufacturing Department in Administrative Research, otherwise known as...the Turks..." He stopped trying to stammer out explanations and sighed.

"Vincent. My name is Vincent."

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"So this Lucrecia chick," Cid paused to light a cigarette.

Vincent gave Cid a resentful glare. "Please don't refer to her as 'that Lucrecia chick'."

"Right, so...then this wonderful, beautiful Lucrecia stomped on your heart and left ya behind without another thought."

"I just wanted her to be happy, no matter what that meant for me. She did the right thing."

"Yeah, sure. She sounds like a real sweetheart."

"Leave her alone!" Vincent hissed. Resisting the urge to shove Cid into the campfire in front of them took quite a bit of will. He wanted to leave, but didn't want to feel lonely, and the flames he gazed into were almost hypnotic. It made him drowsy.

"Sorry..." Cid mumbled. He took a drag of his cigarette and let his eyelids droop. He kept quiet for a while, letting things calm down a bit. He'd never meant to make Vincent angry. He thought he was simply stating the obvious about the other's...girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend? Whatever it was, it didn't seem like Vincent deserved such a shitty relationship.

"You don't have to sit with me, Highwind," Vincent broke the silence between them.

"I know I don't," Cid glanced up at the stars, then over to his teammate. "You look like ya need a friend."

"There's no need for you to bother with it if you don't--"

"Hey, I'm not 'bothering'. If I didn't want to, then I wouldn't." Cid interrupted. "If you _want_ me ta leave you alone though..."

"No," Vincent shook his head. There was another long stretch of quiet.

"Where're you from?" Cid asked.

"I come from Wutai," Vincent responded.

"Good," Cid grinned.

Vincent gave him a confused look. "Why 'good'?"

"Cos I was right. That's what I figured." Cid decided to leave out the part where he'd always been exceedingly attracted to pretty Wutaiian boys.

"I'm going to bed," Vincent said eventually. "You're sure you don't mind sharing your tent with me?"

"Course not, Vince. I'll be in soon," Cid lit up another cigarette, and hoped to hell that Vincent would loosen up and actually talk someday.

Cid continued to invite Vincent to share his tent; Partly because he was worried that nobody else would open their shelters to their new teammate, and mostly because he wanted any excuse to be close to the gunman. If any questions would arise, Cid figured he could always blame having his sleeping bag so near Vincent's on the small space and the cold night air.

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The team had stopped for an afternoon break. Vincent spotted Cid sitting on the bank of a small river, and headed towards him.

"Hey, Vinny!"

Yuffie.

Vincent groaned at her shrill voice. "My name is Vincent."

She ignored the correction. "Going to sit with Cid?"

Vincent quickened his pace. So Yuffie did too.

"Why do you always hang out with him?" she pestered.

"Because he's not bothersome and annoying."

"That's not nice!" Yuffie gasped, offended.

Vincent smiled to himself.

"So have you gotten any new materia, Vinny?" she recovered herself.

"My name is Vincent. Stop bouncing."

"Why are you such a bummer, Vinny?"

No response.

"Are you really a vampire?"

Vincent halted and looked at Yuffie. A split second later, Vincent grasped the neck of Yuffie's shirt in his right hand, and wrapped his left arm around her waist. "What are you doing, you freak?" she screamed. "Put me down! Put me _down_!"

"Siddown, and don't do a thing about it," Barrett said, before Cloud could utter a word. They laughed and watched as Vincent carried the brat to the edge of the water and tossed her in, skillfully moving out of way of any splashing water.

"You _bitch_!" Yuffie screeched, trying to keep her head above the water.

Cid fell backwards, howling in laughter. Satisfied, Vincent continued on his way to the pilot.

"That...was beautiful..." Cid tried to control his giggling.

"That actually made me feel pretty good," Vincent smiled a little bit and looked over to see that Yuffie had crawled out of the water and was stomping around, throwing a fit.

"She deserved it. You're welcome to do that again anytime, 's'long as I can see your pretty smile," Cid reached up to brush some of the black strands from Vincent's eyes. He hid his face in his cloak as Cid scooted closer.

"Y'know, I've been trying to flirt with you for a few weeks now."

"I...I wasn't sure," Vincent's face turned red. He tried to hide himself further. "I always had a difficult time figuring out if somebody was simply being nice to me, or if they were...uhm..."

"Well, I've definitely been 'uhm-ing'..." Cid gently touched the back of Vincent's hand.

The gunman stalled his response by making sure that Yuffie was far enough away for safety's sake. He turned his hand over to hold Cid's properly, fingers lacing together.

"If ya don't have anything to say, that's fine. Just lemme see your face at least," Cid tugged the bothersome collar down and brushed his thumb across Vincent's reddened cheek, warm and delicate, and over his soft, full lips. The pilot fought the urge to kiss them, afraid the other party members might see. It was simple enough to hide held hands, but a kiss...

"Cid, why?" Vincent murmured.

Cid was amazed that that was even a question. "You're beautiful, Vince."

The gunman smiled sadly and looked away toward the water.

"You can't possibly not know that," Cid lay on his back, still grasping his friend's warm hand.

"Highwind, please." Vincent appreciated the flattery, but couldn't quite understand it. He struggled for the right words. "I know that everything is over between Lucrecia and me. But I haven't had much time to consciously... be alright with it. All the time I was asleep, I only dreamed of sadness and tragedy, and I could only beg for her forgiveness. And before, when I was..."

"With Hojo," Cid finished the sentence.

Vincent winced at the name, and nodded. "Yes, with him. It was so hard to bring myself to believe she was actually..." He trailed off again.

"Vince," Cid didn't want him to be upset. "It's okay. I understand what you're sayin'."

"Just give me some time. We'll start out slow, maybe."

"Yeah, sure thing," Cid sat up again. "Is this arright for now?" he gave his friend's hand a comforting squeeze.

Vincent only nodded, but it was enough to make Cid happy. He would wait forever to get a chance to hold the beautiful gunman in his arms, to kiss him, and most importantly, keep the sadness away. Cid wanted, more than anything, to just give him a reason to smile.


	2. The Emotion's Enough To Kill The Sane

Yes, this story's all yaoi / slash / m/m / whatever you wanna call it. So just go ahead and skedaddle if you don't wanna deal with all that, cos I don't wanna hear about it.

(Characters belong to Squeeeeenix.)

(_The thoughts. __They look like this_)

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**02. The Emotion's Enough To Kill The Sane.**

(Vincent's POV)

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"Fuck, yes!" Cid yelled and heaved a sigh of relief as he fell backwards onto the soft, soft mattress that beckoned him. He put up no fight with the call of comfort. "Mmm, I love you bed...Hi, I love you too," he mumbled into the pillow, holding it lovingly.

I almost laughed at my friend's absurdity, but held nothing against him for it. There were no inns or comfortable beds to be found on our journey in the past month and a half. I couldn't help but think it was somehow my fault, as illogical as that sounds. I had joined the group and for well over a month, no inns. But there we were, comfortable and satisfied. That made me feel a little better.

"Wha?? Is that...Is Vincent Valentine _smiling_?" Cid gasped in mock horror.

I hid my face in my cloak. I'd been caught. "Never!" I asserted firmly.

"You were too! You _were_ smilin' an' I saw it!" The pilot was overly excited.

"You're insane, Highwind." I shook my head and walked over to sit on my own bed, leaning over to take my boots off.

Sitting up again, I saw an unfamiliar thing. I stared at it, and it stared back. As I reached for my gun, so did this creature. Like hell would I let this thing outdraw me! I was ready to intimidate the bastard; slow him down, throw him off kilter, and get the first shot.

But there was something so familiar about what he wore.

Not yet letting my guard down, I reached up to unbutton my red cloak.

He did the same.

I let it slip off my shoulders, falling onto the bed.

Again, I watched as he mimicked my every move and a very sickening notion began to creep up into me. "It can't be," I said, barely above a whisper.

"Eh?" Cid looked my way curiously.

I stood and walked ahead, never taking my eyes off of this bizarre creature. I raised my own hand and reached for his, expecting to touch his flesh. But all I felt was the slick chill of glass.

"You alright?" Cid asked.

"That's not Vincent," I stated slowly, afraid to look away.

"Huh?" Cid was confused.

"That isn't Vincent," I insisted louder, panic sounding in my voice, trying to touch this person's face, but receiving nothing more than a flat surface.

Cid nervously sort of laughed. "What, you've never looked in the mirror before?"

As far as I was concerned I was the same short haired, brown eyed, healthy looking man I was thirty years ago, simply looking through a window at a taunting monster. A sickly looking pale monster; thin, deathlike, frightening, inhuman. A monster whose bright red eyes peered out from behind a mass of long, disheveled black hair. Those scary red eyes glowed with the exact fear I was feeling.

This ragged fiend couldn't have possibly been Vincent Valentine.

I watched as he lifted his shirt with the same metal claw I was using to lift mine, revealing various scars and finally, the telltale gunshot wound that marred his skin, just below the ribs. I touched the identical wound on my own belly.

This ragged fiend was indeed Vincent Valentine.

My heart was breaking. My knees felt weak and I braced myself on the chest of drawers I stood in front of. Unable to look away, I continued to stare at the horrible reflection. _That really is me. I really am a hideous monster_

"Vince? What's the matter?" Cid stood next to me, worried.

"How can you stand to look at me?" I whispered, my gaze still locked with the reflection's.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"That's really me," I half asked, half stated and pointed to the glass.

"Uh, yeah, Vin. That's you." Cid scratched his head.

"I didn't know...I didn't know I looked like this!" Tears began to fall from my eyes. "I knew I was a monster on the inside. But now, he's made me a monster on the outside too."

"The fuck? No, Vince. If you were a monster, I wouldn't be hanging out with you." Cid was confused but he tried to comfort me, laying a timid hand on my shoulder, unsure of how much contact I would allow. A moment later, I had turned on him, yanking his hand off my shoulder, twisting his arm with my right hand, and threatening to tear into his throat with my left. "Do. Not. Touch. Me." I enunciated slowly and clearly so he would understand.

"Aw, come on Vince."

"Vin_cent_!" I screamed at him, advancing my metal claw. I was ready for bloodshed.

"You won't do it. You can't. Vin_cent_." Cid remained calm.

"Why the hell not?" I demanded, scraping a sharp fingertip against the skin of his throat.

"Because, Vin_cent_, you're my friend. Friends don't fucken kill each other. You don't have it in you. I'm sorry."

I stood silent for a moment, tears still running down my face. I could smell his blood. I wanted it badly. But not from him, I realized. That would only make things worse. I looked and saw absolutely no fear in his face. I pushed him away. "You are not my friend," I lied.

"Then why didn't ya kill me?" Cid argued.

"Don't you fucking make me, Highwind!" I slammed my fist angrily onto the dresser, beating it repeatedly. I yelled at it, furious that it couldn't feel pain; it didn't care that I'd splintered it. I wanted to cause pain, but I had already refused to hurt Cid. I dropped to my knees and began to cry harder.

"Maybe I should just leave you alone for a while," Cid went to find his shoes.

"No, don't." Anyone else, I would easily do away with, gladly send them off. But that part inside of me that craved affection of any kind, that absolutely hated the loneliness, was always satisfied best by my pilot friend. "I don't want to be alone. Please stay."

"Then you can't threaten to fucken kill me anymore when I try to help." Cid set a ground rule and sat on the edge of my bed.

"I'm so sorry," I moved closer, looking up at him. "I'm sorry, Cid. You _are_ my friend. I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you."

"Get up. Ya look pathetic." he told me. I did as I was told and got up from my knees to sit next to him. "I'm sorry," I said again quietly. "Nah, s'alright, Vincent," Cid sighed, putting his arm around my shoulders. I loved him holding me; it made me feel safe. I almost told him that, but thought better of myself, not wanting to stir up any more trouble.

"I'll understand if you do want to leave."

"No, Vincent."

"I'm so sorry. It's just that...It was...I'm scared. I scare myself."

"It's okay, it's okay, Vincent. Y'know, you don't scare me at all."

"Thanks, Cid...I think." I was finally beginning to calm down.

"Yeah. I like you Vin...cent. I like you a lot," he tightened his embrace before letting me go.

"Can I do anything for you?" Cid offered. "Ya wanna talk about it?"

I shook my head.

"You sure? It might make you feel better if ya get it off your chest."

"I'm sure."

Cid helped me stand, pulled the blankets down, and directed me to get into bed. I lay down as I was told. He pulled the blankets over me, tucking me in, and I almost smiled again. Cid turned off the lights, took off his shirt, and got into his own bed. "You gonna be okay?"

"I think so. Thank you," I responded and the room fell silent.

"Come on, tell me about it?" Cid asked after a while.

"Why?" I honestly thought he'd fallen asleep.

"Cos I think it'll help. And I never heard much of what happened." His curiosity was pretty bold. With anyone else, I would have gotten angry. Now, though, I was only slightly annoyed by his persistence. "I wantcha to cheer up and quit mopin' around. I wanna help you."


	3. Remains Of His Lonely Youth

Yes, this story's all yaoi / slash / m/m / whatever you wanna call it. So just go ahead and skedaddle if you don't wanna deal with all that, cos I don't wanna hear about it.

Note: Ahead is Hojo, Vincent, non-consensual things, cruelty towards defenceless Vincents, etc...

(Characters belong to Squeeeeenix.)

(_The thoughts. __They look like this_)

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**03. Slowly Discarded Were The Remains Of His Lonely Youth.**

(Vincent's POV)

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_What a horrible nightmare this is_

I tried to wake myself up. I opened my eyes, convinced I was still dreaming. I was lying on a cold concrete floor in nothing but my boxers. My body felt slightly numb and I had a horrible cramping feeling somewhere around my stomach. I lifted my hand to rub my eyes, to try and wake up. The movement was difficult and slow. I couldn't rouse myself from this from this troubled nightmare any further.

_This isn't a dream. Figure out what happened and get out of here. This is real_

"No it's not, it's not..." I tried to convince myself. My heart was beating faster. I was scared. I didn't know why I was here.

"Ah, Mr. Valentine. You're finally awake. You've been out for almost three days now." Hojo was responsible for this?

Yes, he'd shot me. I was trying to protect Lucrecia and he shot me. It was coming back to me.

Hojo sat down next to me on the floor, stroking my hair. I hated his touch. I wanted to move, to get away from him, but I was too frightened. "We're going to have fun together, Vincent," he said quietly, sadistically.

"No," I protested weakly as he took my left arm and stuck a needle into it, injecting a stinging substance. "What is that?" I cradled my arm when he let go.

"It's a surprise," he grinned. Not knowing what else I could possibly do, I began to cry. "No, Vincent, don't be upset," he whispered and kissed my forehead.

"Don't touch me," I was growing angry. He laughed.

"Are you hungry, Vincent?"

I nodded.

"Then you will let me touch you." With that, Hojo left the room, turning off the lights and locking the door.

It was pitch black. I couldn't see, but managed to crawl to a corner of the room. Feeling the wall was a comfort somehow. At least there was _something_ there in the darkness. "Oh Lucrecia, I'm so sorry I couldn't save you..." I dragged my fingertips along the cold stone wall.

The pain from the gunshot wound was growing worse. I was feeling very ill. The last thing I wanted was to get sick. I had nothing in my stomach to bring up, but my gag reflex thought otherwise. With every retch, sharp pains shot through my body. I yelled out for help, but there was no one to hear me. My screaming sounded pathetic. At some point though, I'd fallen asleep, or passed out; I'm not sure which.

I woke in the darkness. I lay there for what felt like hours. My stomach burned with hunger pangs, but Hojo never came with the food I thought he had promised. Perhaps he had forgotten about me. Forgotten about all the "fun" he had planned, and was going to leave me there to rot. I began to mumble to myself, to Lucrecia, to nobody. I let myself cry until there couldn't possibly be any tears left within me.

I had no concept of time in that place. I could have been waiting only mere minutes, though it was more likely several days, before Hojo came back to me.

"Are you hungry, Vincent?"

I was greeted by a blinding light and Hojo's deceptive voice. I scrambled to sit up. My body was stiff. "Yes, yes, please," I stammered. Hojo pulled out a needle and I tried to hide, to disappear into the corner. I couldn't put up much of a fight, I felt so weak, so hungry, and in the end, Hojo won. He started to exit the room. "Wait, no! Please," I cried out. He knew what I wanted. He simply looked at me and smiled viciously, shaking his head. The door closed. The blackness washed over the room. I slumped down, defeated, crying again.

More hours, more days, more sickness. He came back finally, asking again if I was hungry. I nodded lethargically. He readied his needle and I stayed still. "Good boy," he smiled. He left the room, but only momentarily, returning with a tray. Bread, soup, a glass of water. I was almost excited. I devoured the meal and surprisingly, I was offered more. I accepted gratefully.

When I had eaten my fill, I was taken to a small room with a shower. "Go on, Vincent. Take your time." Hojo handed me a towel and a clean pair of pants. There were no windows or other doors with which I could escape through, so I just turned on the water, took off my boxers, and stepped into the shower. The water stung my gunshot stitches, but it wasn't hard to ignore. It was easier to focus on the wet warmth coming down on my sore body. I stayed there until the water ran cold.

I had dried and dressed myself and reluctantly left the shower room. Hojo was at a small table, writing something. "Finished?" he asked. I nodded, and he led me back to the bare, concrete cell.

Hojo sat next to me, very close, and put his arm around me. I laid my head on his shoulder. "What is it?" I dared to ask. I wanted to know what I was being injected with.

"Mako," Hojo said simply. "Now that you've eaten, it won't make you so sick."

"Why?" I was afraid of angering him, but I asked anyway.

"Shh, no more questions." He held me close, running his fingers through my hair. I wanted to be disgusted, but with him there, I wasn't alone, in the dark, in the silence. I closed my eyes, sighing. I was beginning to doze off there in his arms when he laid me down on the hard floor and stood to go. "Please don't leave me!" I begged.

The door closed. The lights went out. I grew cold.

I hated him for leaving me. I hated myself more for wanting him to stay. I hit my fist against the wall in anger. I cried myself to sleep.

"Wake up!" I did what the enraged yelling told me to do. I saw two tables, one was long and empty, the other had needles and knives and other sharp intimidating objects. I was immediately frightened. "Lay down on the table!"

I shook my head, backing up into my corner. "No, I can't."

"You'd damn well better, boy." Hojo stalked towards me angrily, kicking me hard in the ribs. "I've had a bad fucking day, and I don't want _any_ shit from you."

I stayed where I was, holding my side, groaning in pain.

"Do it!" He screamed, kicking me again. He grabbed my arm and a fistful of hair and lifted me to my feet. I fought, screamed, and kicked all the way to the table. "No goddamn dinner for a month." My heart managed to sink further as he pushed me, forcing me down, strapping my hands and feet securely.

"What are you doing?" I cried, panicking, trying to break free.

"Hold still, dammit," Hojo tightened the straps too tight and carefully picked out a scalpel. My eyes went wide as I watched him lower it to my stomach. I clenched my teeth, breathing heavy, ragged breaths, throwing my head back, screaming in pain as he slowly cut into my skin.

I don't know what he did to me. I came to in the familiar dark. I assumed I was lying on the floor again.

Hurt, cold, fear... It all instantly consumed me.

The lights flickered on and I shielded my eyes.

"I'm sorry you had to make me hurt you, Vincent."

"What...what did I do?" I asked quietly, hoping to God I wouldn't make him angry again.

"Don't be so stupid, Vincent." Hojo sat a plate of toast and a cup of orange juice in front of me. I honestly didn't know what I had done, but I didn't push the subject; I really didn't want my food taken away. Whatever wrong I did, I had paid a nasty price for it. All I could do was hope I'd figure it out and avoid repeating my mistake.

"Are you finished eating, Vincent?"

I _hated_ how he said my name. I stayed silent. Hojo slammed the door, but he was still inside the room with me. He sat in front of me, holding my face in his hands. "I asked you a question."

I lowered my eyes, refusing to look at him. He pulled me closer to him, kissing my lips. I tried to squirm out of his grasp, but he squeezed my face and kissed me harder. He finally broke away. "You're hurting me," I whispered, looking down in shame. He laughed at me, feeling his way down my chest, down, down, unzipping my pants, and with that, I felt the tears begin already. I was almost always chastised for crying. It is foolish and juvenile, and never helps a thing.

And asking questions never got me any answers, but I was unable to speak anyways. He kept kissing me, touching me, jerking hard. I kept my eyes shut, trying to pretend he was anyone else, trying to pretend that it wasn't so bad. I began to think he wouldn't stop touching me until I...

It finally happened. I came in his hand, amazed that he could even make an orgasm painful. I whimpered and cried, wanting his filthy hands off of me. "Good boy," he coaxed. He made his way behind me and I begged and pleaded for him to stop, but he continued to force me onto my knees and pull my pants down further. "Good boy, Vincent," and then he thrust into me without much warning. It threatened to tear me apart. It was certain that I would die in this ruthless act. I would be bleeding when he finished. I screamed at him, but he only pounded harder, faster, covering my mouth with his hand. My muffled shouts did nothing to help me.

When the relentless thrusting stopped, he tidied himself, fastened my pants, and pulled me up onto him, comforting me as I sobbed into his chest. "There, there. That wasn't so bad. Good boy, Vincent." Like I was some sort of dog. I was no more than a worthless animal. That was the lesson I learned that day.

I was his pet. Mistreated and abused, but a pet nonetheless.

I acted like a beaten puppy who always runs faithfully to its master's side, only to get a boot to the head, or a scalpel to the stomach. It sickened me, how I simultaneously wanted him to die a slow death and never leave me alone. My only human contact.

On very rare occasions when I was perceived as being exceptionally well behaved and no one else was around, Hojo would let me sit with him in his office while he worked. He'd put a chain around my neck and lead me up several flights of stairs. Once in his office, I would sit at his feet as he looked over documents and wrote notes, now and then asking me if he'd phrased a sentence correctly, or to clarify the spelling of a word. He would often reach down to pat my head, play with my hair, or stroke my neck. I'd lay my head on his lap, reveling in the soft, affectionate touches, and waiting for the next command.

Later, he would buy me snacks and cookies from the vending machine down the hall. He would share his meals with me and let me listen to the radio quietly as I read books about the history of Shinra. If I asked politely, he would sometimes even let me sit on the big soft couch in the far corner of the room, instead of on the floor.

Days like this always brought some sort of smile to me, along with the slightest thread of hope that maybe every day could be like this. Of course it never did last, but it was a more than welcome holiday whenever it happened.

Once, when the sun had gone down and it was getting fairly late, Hojo put his work away, turned off the lights, and walked over to the couch. "Come here, Vincent," he called for me. I watched him take his lab coat off and I hesitated, in fear of being exploited yet again and having my perfect day ruined. He yawned and slipped off his shoes. "I said come, Vincent. Don't worry; I'm far too tired tonight." So I trudged to the couch, hoping he wasn't trying to trick me. I lay down next to him and he pulled the lab coat over us as a makeshift blanket. He put his arm around me, kissing my head. "Goodnight, Vincent."

"Goodnight," I responded, a little dazed, barely a whisper, confused as to why this was happening, but not really willing to question it. I had someone to hold me now and I dared to give myself just a tiny bit more hope than usual. Maybe life would be like this from now on. I would have almost been happy if that could have happened. I cuddled against his chest and slept soundly, so close to his warmth.

"Wake up, Vincent."

I groaned at the hand that was lightly shaking my shoulder.

"It's time to get up now, Vincent."

I opened my eyes and saw the sun sifting through the closed blinds. Hojo stood up and put his lab coat on. "If I go to get you breakfast, can I trust you to stay put?" he asked. I nodded. There was nowhere else for a hellion like me to go.

"What do you want?"

Things were indeed looking up. "Cereal, please. And a bagel, please. And toast with raspberry jelly, and orange juice, please." My heart beat faster and my voice made my excitement obvious. Hojo straightened his coat and left the office. I sat on the couch where he had left me, until I noticed the small pile of books I had forgotten to put away. I gathered them up and placed them back on the bookshelf. I stared at the covered window near me and dared to peek outside. There was the sun, high up in the bright blue sky with bunches of white fluffy clouds. It looked warm and nice out. I saw other buildings and trees and cars and tiny dots moving along the sidewalks. I let the blinds fall back into place and sat down again. It was sometimes hard to remember that other people actually existed.

Hojo soon returned, with all the breakfast I had wanted. I thanked him several times and began to annihilate the food. "Eat quickly," he said. "We have to get you back downstairs."

I stopped chewing, a look of hurt and confusion was clearly spread across my face.

"Sometimes I wish I could keep you here, Vincent," Hojo turned away from me. "But I have a meeting soon, and that wouldn't do."

I began to eat again, much less enthusiastically. When I was finished, the chain went back around my neck, and I was led down to my cold, empty cell. "Please come back tonight," I implored quietly. My behaviour was disgusting.

He ignored my plea. "You'd better get comfortable before the lights turn off, Vincent."

I made my way to the preferred corner of the room and sat. "Please come back tonight," I repeated, begging it. Hojo left. The door was shut and locked. The lights were gone. It was black again. I began to shiver. I started to hate all over again. How could he just toss me back in this gloomy jail; just get rid of me whenever he pleased?

I had a good while to sit and remember exactly what I was. Merely a fiend. Not a human, not a friend, not a lover, but a possession. An almost lifelike toy. A rag doll to be played with, and fucked with, and to be put away once I was done with. I deserved to be thrown aside. Sighing, I leaned back against the uncomfortable wall, too angry to even cry.

The hope for a happier existence had died.

When Hojo came back, he looked as if he was ready to take his wrathful fury out on me. I glanced towards him momentarily, before closing my eyes, ignoring him. He stalked towards me angrily. "So that's all the greeting I get."

"Have a good meeting?" I asked sarcastically, giving him a smart ass smirk. I surprised even myself with that remark. I very rarely got defiant with him. I was reminded why I should usually obey when his boot hit the side of my face with an unbelievable force. I collapsed to the floor, shrieking in agony. A metallic taste rushed into my mouth as a stream of blood came flowing out.

There were more forceful kicks to my side and I rolled over onto my back, trying to get out of his abusive path. I screamed at him that he'd broken my fucking jaw, but I couldn't open my mouth without having it feel as if it would break even further. Hojo seemed calmer and more satisfied. "Shut up, boy. I can't understand you."

He just stood there, laughing at me, watching my panicked struggle to breathe as I began to choke on the blood that was filling my mouth. I managed to jerk onto my side, the blood gushing out, allowing me to gasp around it for traces of air. I reached out towards the laughing bastard, clawing at the ground in front of me, my pleas for help only coming out as wordless sobbing. Eventually, Hojo grew tired of this and stuck me with a needle. After a moment, I passed out. I suppose it was easier to cut someone open when they weren't writhing in pain.

When I regained consciousness, my fingers followed the familiar tight burning to find new stitches down beneath my navel. I quickly withdrew my hand when touching made the wound sting. My lower body ached. I was sure that Hojo had had his way with my corpselike body; when I was unable to put up a fight, drugged and dead to the world, seemingly lifeless.

I barely ever spoke another word for the rest the time he kept me.

Life continued this way for an indeterminable amount of time. If I was "good", Hojo was nice, friendly, even loving. If I was "bad", I was ignored, starved, hurt badly. It all depended on my faults. I was never told what I did wrong, but I was always told it was because of _something_ I did. No matter how I behaved, I was often taken advantage of. The hellish operations continued; I don't know what most were for. I learned that I was a hideous, worthless piece of shit. I learned that it was my fault Lucrecia was dead. It was a fact that Hojo loved to constantly shove in my face.

It grew to where I couldn't deal with it anymore. I finally lost control and hit Hojo in the face, cracking his glasses. I knew I'd made a big mistake, but I couldn't stop myself. He was furious. He threw me down on the ground. My head made a loud crack! as it hit the concrete. I was out.

I was not in the darkness when I awoke. He wanted me to see what he had done. It took several minutes for my mind to register where I was. I regained consciousness and I saw this abomination attached to my arm. An appalling cold metal...thing took the place of my own flesh and blood hand. The one I had used to strike my tormentor. I tried to take it off. "What is this? Take it away! Get it off of me! Get it off!" I screamed. I panicked. I pulled, ripped, scratched at it, tried to shake myself free of it. But it was now a part of me.

Hojo laughed at me.

I felt an immense rage swelling deep within me. Hojo must have seen something in my eyes, something flicker, something go a little bit wrong. He stopped laughing suddenly and quickly began to gather some of his things. My vision grew hazy and I started feeling a little dizzy. Feeling different, somehow. I felt like I was twisting up into myself. I watched as Hojo left the room and my hands transformed into gruesome, shaggy claws. I was turning into the Galian Beast that we all know and love.

I had lost control over my body. It wasn't me anymore. I had no authority over what this beast did. All I could do was sit back and let it take over. It was releasing my anger as it roared vehemently, beating the walls, scratching at the door, overturning the table Hojo had left, bending the metal furiously.

The beast wore itself out eventually. My body returned and I regained control over my actions. I stood, shaking, terrified. Hojo re-entered the room cautiously. "What the fuck have you done to me?" I stumbled over to him weakly. I was exhausted and fell into his arms. He had a very pleased look on his face.

"What did you do?" I cried.

"You were already a freak, Vincent; a monster. You know that. All I did was give that monster an outlet," he said softly, brushing tears from my face, smiling.

He held me until the tears slowed, combing his fingers through my hair, rocking me back and forth.

"How long have I been here?" I sniffed.

"Almost three years, Vincent."

My heart sank. How much longer could this possibly last?

"I don't want to be here any longer," I confided.

"Where would you possibly go? Nobody will ever want you, Vincent."

"...I know," I admitted quietly, nodding.

Funny enough, I couldn't fall asleep that night.

I said nothing to Hojo when he entered the room the next day.

"Do you want to be forgiven for all the pain and suffering you cause Lucrecia?" he asked me.

Yes, yes, I do, please.

"There is a lot to be forgiven for, Vincent. You failed her many times, and it all ended in her death. You _killed_ her. That is quite a large burden to carry."

I looked to the floor, ashamed.

He stuck another needle in my arm. I barely cared at this point. And with a kiss to my forehead, he said, "Then you will beg for forgiveness in sleep. Pray for atonement in your nightmares. Pay for your sins for all eternity."

That was the last thing I heard until I was awakened by you and that indignant child who calls himself our leader. You looked at me as if I were crazy when I asked you what year it was. It took me a moment, but I figured it out. Thirty years. I slept for that long. Thirty goddamn years filled with nightmares. That's almost your entire life time. _My_ life was _wasted_ and I have yet to be forgiven.

That, Highwind, is why I will not simply "cheer up". I am appreciative of your efforts, but I'm afraid it will take more than that for me to "quit moping around", as you so elegantly put it. And no, it hasn't made me feel even the slightest bit better to talk about it. So please, just forget about it and go to sleep.


	4. I'll Leave The Light On A While

Yes, this story's all yaoi / slash / m/m / whatever you wanna call it. So just go ahead and skedaddle if you don't wanna deal with all that, cos I don't wanna hear about it.

(Characters belong to Squeeeeenix.)

(_The thoughts. __They look like this_)

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**04. ****I'll Lay Awake For A While, I'll Leave The Light On A While.**

(Narrator's POV)

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Costa del Sol was surprisingly not busy this time of year; a fact that Vincent particularly liked. The group had checked into the hotel early and was going to use the rest of the day for some well-deserved down time.

"I gotcha somethin'." Cid came into the room he was sharing with Vincent. For about five months now, he had been giving the gunman little random gifts of affection. He found the corner Vincent was hiding in and held his gift out proudly. Vincent carefully took the dark red rose that was being offered to him and looked up at Cid. "Thank you," he said quietly.

"It reminded me of you," Cid shrugged. "You wanna take a nap?"

Vincent nodded and admired the flower for a moment before standing. He set it delicately on the bedside table and lay down next to Cid.

It was dark outside when they awoke. The calming crash of waves could be heard through the open window. "You wanna go down to the beach? Go swimming, maybe?" Cid asked.

"In what?" Vincent asked. "I don't have any swimming trunks."

If he could get out of a trip to the beach, the more clothes he could wear. And the more clothes he could wear, the more comfortable he felt. But after several minutes of persuasion, Vincent reluctantly stood at the doorway in his boxer shorts, hunched over some, with the largest towel he could find around his shoulders and back so he could cover up as much skin as possible. Cid ran past him, expecting to be followed.

"Come on, Vinny! There's nobody out here. And I won't look!" Cid covered his eyes and tripped. "Shit! Well, I might hafta look a little bit."

Vincent looked around the area. It looked empty enough, so he hesitantly began to walk out onto the beach.

"You're gonna get your towel all wet," Cid kicked some water at Vincent once they had reached the water. "Then it won't do any good keeping you dry."

"That's not what it's for," Vincent said, backing up a bit from the water's edge.

"You're really gonna be that shy?" Cid asked. Vincent shrugged. "Well fine, Vampy. Then let's just go back inside so you can sit and pout and be no fun."

"I may be no fun, but I am not a goddamn vampire," Vincent protested. The comment obviously irritated him. "I'm not comfortable with being so...uncovered. It makes me feel too vulnerable," he admitted, feeling embarrassed. Cid walked over to face him, intent on getting his friend to open up.

"Listen," he gently lifted Vincent's head up, looking him straight in the eyes. "There's no one else around to see you. Only me. I promise I won't hurt you or make fun of you or whatever it is you're worried about. All I want is for us to have a good time together, okay?"

Vincent stayed silent, searching the pilot's face for any sign of deception, finding nothing. Glancing down and nervously biting his bottom lip, he let the towel slip from his shoulders and tossed it away from the water.

Cid gave a comforting smile, trying not to pay too much attention to the mess of scars that marred his friend's body. Though it was heartbreaking to see them, they somehow only enhanced his beauty and did nothing to take it away. "There ya go. That's not so bad, now is it?"

"You really are okay with this?" Vincent asked insecurely.

"Yeah," Cid pulled him into a strong embrace. "Yeah, I really am okay with it."

Vincent returned the hug and buried his face against Cid's neck.

"Wanna go swim now?" Cid wanted to stay where they were all night long, but Vincent's warm body against his own, the soft hair tickling his cheek, the heated breath on his neck...it was getting to be too much and he had to restrain himself.

Cid paddled about and made a fool of himself in order to amuse Vincent, who stayed sitting in the sand, letting the water rush up over his feet and legs. "Damn it's cold," Cid cursed when he decided he'd had enough swimming. He sat next to Vincent, trying to not get too close, but not too far away. "Having fun?" he asked hopefully.

"Mhmm," Vincent nodded and continued to watch the moonlight reflect off the water.

"Good," Cid turned around, occupying himself with something on the ground. Vincent looked to see what had the pilot's attention. He saw 'Cid 3 Vinny' drawn in the sand and Cid with a big grin on his face. Vincent couldn't help but smile. It was silly and childish but it made him feel warm inside.

A small wave gushed up and erased the drawing. Cid's jaw dropped. "That son of a bitch. Don't you take my love away!" he shouted jokingly toward the ocean.

"It's alright, Highwind. We'll always have the memory of your artwork," Vincent shifted closer to the pilot.

"Yeah, I guess," Cid shifted closer to the gunman.

They sat for a while, looking at the sky, and then finally at each other.

"Should we go back in?" Cid asked.

"No, not quite yet," Vincent said, just above a whisper, and impulsively pressed his lips to Cid's. They both stayed still for a moment, letting actions sink in. Cid placed his hand on the back of Vincent's head, drawing him closer, and deepening the kiss. Mouths parted slightly and their tongues met, casually stroking each other. The kiss ended and confident blue eyes stared into nervous red ones.

"I've been waiting for this for so long," Cid leaned in for another kiss and got exactly what he wanted.


	5. Stay With Me & Fall Asleep

Yes, this story's all yaoi / slash / m/m / whatever you wanna call it. So just go ahead and skedaddle if you don't wanna deal with all that, cos I don't wanna hear about it.

(Characters belong to Squeeeeenix.)

(_The thoughts. __They look like this_)

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**05. Stay With Me & Fall Asleep, Pray To God For No Bad Dreams.**

(Vincent's POV)

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I was feeling vulnerable and miserable. Not to mention, betrayed by my feelings. I was supposed to love Lucrecia. But for the longest time, I had been allowing my school boy crush on Cid to develop into something much more. I had been aware of my interest in girls _and_ boys since I was a child, so that wasn't what worried me. I had trouble with not being faithful to the woman I had dedicated my life to.

Even so, I had let myself grow close to Cid, mentally and physically. With the rest of our group, I would only speak if necessary. With Cid, though, I'd opened up quite a bit. He would always let me come to him when I felt haunted and hopeless, and didn't mind trying to calm me when I thrashed about restlessly in my sleep. I now had the courage to lay beside him, my head resting on his shoulder and my hand on his chest. It was a bold move and I was unsure of how Cid would react. I relaxed a bit when he put his arms around me and hugged me tight. "I wish you were happy," he said quietly.

"I'm sorry..." It was my default response to everything. As if no matter what was said, it was my fault. It was almost like a reflex; it came out without me realizing. I shouldn't have said it this time.

"Dammit, stop it, Vincent," Cid was frustrated with me. I opened my mouth to apologize again but stopped myself just in time. "I'm sicka hearin' that 'sorry' crap. I'll let you know when you do somethin' that needs apologizing for."

I stayed silent, knowing that if I tried to speak, I would most likely say what Cid didn't want to hear. He sighed and tilted my head up to look at him. His hand was warm against my chin and my heart raced at the touch. "At least gimme a smile," he requested. One side of my mouth twisted up into something that did not resemble a smile at all. "Eh, nice try," Cid laughed. "I don't think I have it in me now, Highwind," I explained. Cid had moved his hand to hold the side of my face, stroking my cheek lightly with his thumb. "Sure ya do. It's in there somewhere."

I closed my eyes, delighted with the light touches that felt so intimate. I could've stayed just like that until I drew my last breath.

"Hey Vince?"

"Hmm?"

"Scoot up a bit...A little more..."

We were now face to face, and Cid was pressing his lips gently against mine. I put my arm around him as our tongues met, each exploring the other. When the kiss ended, neither of us said a word. We simply lay there, happy to fall asleep in each other's arms. There were no nightmares that night.

The next evening, we lazed about in our hotel room, talking about the day's events. Nothing out of the ordinary; the usual battles and disagreements between our group. Cid was getting worked up over Yuffie's incessant chatter. "That little brat will not shut the hell up. I swear to God, if she just mentions materia one more goddamn time--" I silenced him with a kiss. He gave an approving groan as I ran my right hand underneath his shirt. The kiss deepened and our actions grew more desperate, hands roaming up and down each other's bodies, struggling with shoes and belt buckles...

Cid had pushed me onto my back so that he was lying on top of me, kissing my neck and unbuttoning my shirt. He didn't get very far though. I was completely lost in the moment, feeling the most incredible sensations I'd felt in years. And thoughts of Hojo were all that flooded my mind. My eyes snapped open, seeing the soft blonde hair I knew would be there, instead of the black stringy mess from so long ago. It was only momentarily comforting. I couldn't get the dirty memories to stop. "Cid..." I started quietly, but grew louder with the need to make this end. "Cid, stop, please!" He stopped immediately, moving off of me to give me some space. I was more than thankful for that. I couldn't bring myself to look at him though. I turned away and curled up into a ball, hiding my face behind my arms.

"Vincent?" Cid touched my shoulder gently, making me jump, though his hand stayed.

"I'm so sorry..." I whispered, reluctantly letting the tears fall from my eyes.

"No, Vince. Nothin' to be sorry for," he rubbed my back, trying to show that there were no hard feelings. "Is it because of..._him_?" "Yes," I nodded. Cid knew about all that Hojo had done, including the parts of the story where he thought it would be funny to repeatedly take advantage of me.

"That goddamn son of a bitch," Cid started but he knew that it was useless to get angry over it. The day would come when I would have my revenge, but at that moment, there was nothing we could do about it. "Can I still hold you?" his voice softened. He took my silence as consent and slowly put his arm around me, trying his best to not frighten me. "I didn't mean to scare you. I'm so sorry, Vincent."

"No," I shook my head. "It's not you. I..._want_ you. But it's so hard to keep these unwanted memories out of my mind. I'm sorry--"

"Hey. I said there's nothin' to be sorry for. And you _won't_ have me till you're absolutely ready for it, and not a minute before."

He would ask me occasionally if I wanted to do anything sexual. I kept declining, feeling guiltier every time. But Cid always remained patient. Sort of.

"Hey, Vince, I don't wanna make ya uncomfortable, and I won't make ya do anything you don't want to do. But it's been a while since I've gotten a chance to, ah...hmm...You don't have to be any part of it, but would you mind if I...fuck, how do I put this?" Cid was fidgeting nervously. "Could I maybe just...y'know, take care of myself? Er, actually, I could just go into the bathroom and do it real quick. Would that be better?" He started to get out of bed.

"No," I said. "I don't mind you doing it here."

"Ah, Vince, you're the best," he grinned at me.

I watched his movements intently.

He unzipped his pants and took himself in his hand, carefully avoiding my stare so as not to make me feel uneasy. He groaned as he stroked, happy to finally alleviate himself. I desperately wanted to touch him, to hold him and feel him, make him tremble and shiver under my touch. But I held back. I wasn't ready and Cid knew that.

It excited me though. I thoroughly enjoyed observing his self-manipulations and I let him do this often. Sometimes I would gather the courage to curl up against him and rest my hand on his chest, lightly tickling his skin, giving small kisses to his neck, wishing I wasn't such a coward.

Eventually I would decide to join him, clumsily undressing, letting my fingers guide themselves, slipping down around my arousal. I moved closer to him. He turned his body slightly to face me. I did the same. We were face to face now, feeling each other's warmth. I did my best to stay composed and relatively unafraid. My eyes wandered down, fascinated by his body.

"Mm, Vince..." I heard Cid's voice and shifted my gaze up to meet his. His eyes drifted shut, body tensing as he let himself go, the white warmth splashing against my stomach and dribbling down his hand. Seeing him in such pleasure gave me a thrilling rush.

I wasn't far behind. I bit my lip, hastening my jerking motions, as I began to feel the first slight pulses of ecstasy flicker inside of me. Cid breathed my name heavily and kissed me fiercely. I whimpered into the kiss as I came hard, intense sensations flowing through me, spilling out between us.

The kiss ended and our lips separated. We were panting, short of breath, but satisfied. Cid reached over towards the bedside table for a box of tissues. "Was it worth it?" he asked, offering me the box. "Yes. It was," I decided. I took a handful of tissues and let a smile come to my lips. I looked to Cid for approval and found it in the excited grin he had plastered to his face.

I concluded that all of this was good. The night, the recent events, the feeling of almost happiness...They were all good. No one would be hurting or upset or crying; there would be only love, and we would fall asleep peacefully together.

There were worries though, as we pulled the sheets up around us, cuddling close. Could this actually turn into love in the end? Or was this simply lust? An infatuation. A phase that either one of us could easily grow bored with. Could I deal with loving somebody new? Was I meant to love and be loved? Would I be punished later for not wallowing in my misery and sin for one night?

I silenced those thoughts. They would be confronted and answered to later, not now. Not in this perfect scene. Not for one brief second would I even consider ruining this hallowed moment of content. I felt amazing; not only because of the sexual relief. This emotion wasn't controlled by carnal needs alone. I felt amazing simply because this other person chose to be with me.

Never in my life had I felt so safe, so - dare I say it? - so..._happy_. The kisses never felt as satisfying; I could almost taste the affection in them. Nobody else had ever told me, in such a way that I could hear the honesty in their words, that they loved me.

"What did you say?" I was pulled from my racing thoughts.

Cid had a concerned look on his face as he repeated his words cautiously, afraid he shouldn't have given voice to them in the first place. "I said I think...I think I love you, Vincent."

My heart swelled. I opened my mouth, unsure of what to say. A part of me almost wanted to be angry. He couldn't possibly love me. Why couldn't he see that I was no good for him, or anyone else?

I quickly threw that notion away, mentally kicking it. Cid looked as if he was preparing for a let down. I pressed my forehead against his, settled on telling him the truth. "Highwind, I think maybe I love you back."


	6. The Dying Will Discard The Wish To Live

Yes, this story's all yaoi / slash / m/m / whatever you wanna call it. So just go ahead and skedaddle if you don't wanna deal with all that, cos I don't wanna hear about it.

I feel like there needs to be something between this chapter and the last but...I got nuffin.

(Characters belong to Squeeeeenix.)

(_The thoughts. __They look like this_)

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**06. In The Morrows Good Mourning, The Dying Will Discard The Wish To Live.**

(Narrator's POV)

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Vincent bolted upright, finally working himself from his nightmare. It took some time to remember exactly where he was. There was light in the room. No needles, no cold metal or hard concrete, no vicious hands trying to squeeze the last bit of air from his throat...Suffocation is not the most pleasant of sensations.

Once Vincent realized he was safe on the Highwind, he let his body drop back down on the bed. He brushed away the hair that clung to his face with sweat, and tried to calm his ragged breathing.

It had been a week. Seven nights had passed without any nightmares, until this one came to him, renewing his memories and fears. The break should have relieved Vincent, but he couldn't help dwelling on it. He had become even more reclusive and distant the past few days. It had worried Cid at first, but he just attributed it to Vincent being Vincent.

_It was only a dream. I should be used to this by now_

But everything had felt so real. It always did.

Vincent's eyes began to burn as he recalled the sketchy visions of the dream.

"I'm so damn tired of this," he whispered harshly, though there was no one around to hear.

Vincent disentangled himself from the sheets and unwillingly rolled out of bed, stalking to the bathroom. He took off his shirt, preparing for a shower, but ending up leaning on the sink, just staring at himself in the mirror with disgust. "Stop crying, you goddamn freak!" he spat, slamming his forehead against the glass. Vincent looked at his hands through the black strands of hair.

That damned awful dream. He felt so alone. There was nothing in the end but himself; cold, scared, and lonely. And when he finally woke up, he _was_ alone. Because Hojo was right from the beginning. Nobody could ever really want Vincent.

He considered the certain immoral thoughts that teased him. They were not unfamiliar. These thoughts were often with him, bothering him, trying to provoke him. Vincent was generally able to ignore them eventually. But sometimes he had to wonder why he'd never taken their advice. And now, he let them come fully into his mind.

"Why do I put up with this? It's not worth it...to live..." he muttered, watching tears drop to the sink. "I hate you. You're disgusting. You'll never be human. You're a dog. A goddamned monster. I hate you..." he whispered dementedly to himself as if he were actually another person there to listen.

To think that he had actually tried to convince himself that Hojo was a liar. Vincent knew Hojo had told him the truth. He knew it, deep in the place where his heart and his soul would be if he had been human. Any bit of happiness he thought he experienced within these past months felt like it must be some sort of sick joke. Those moments couldn't have honestly existed. It was all a lie. And any kind words or actions towards this wretched fiend were simply out of pity.

"You will commit just one more sin," he promised himself. "You'll no longer be a burden. One more, then it's all gone..."

Closing his eyes, Vincent found his right arm with his left hand, starting just under his elbow. He gasped as the sharp point of his thumb sunk into his skin. His eyes fluttered open and he groaned excitedly at the sight of his own blood. It ran hot down the length of his arm before dripping into the sink. It even amazed Vincent that this could make him feel so free and giddy. It was almost scary. But not scary enough to stop what he was doing.

Vincent began a new cut a little bit further down his arm. A little harder, a little faster. "Die, filthy monster..." he hissed, lips curling into a masochistic grin.

--------------------------------------------------

Cid took a bite of his toast and looked at the clock. _Where is he? His vampire ass is gonna miss breakfast_ He frowned, took a drink of tea, and got up to wake Vincent. Cid lit a cigarette, strolling across the Highwind, admiring the outside view. He put the cigarette out though, as he reached his destination, knowing full well that his friend would appreciate a morning greeting _without_ the nasty habit.

--------------------------------------------------

Vincent stood, growing increasingly light-headed, already having told himself that hell would be better than his existence on this Planet. He scratched deeply at his wrist one last time to make sure he had done a thorough job. His vision was blurring, getting darker. His legs could not hold him up any longer. They gave out and Vincent fell heavily to the floor. He didn't feel any pain though. He felt numb and excited, and there was a hint of a small satisfied smile on his face as everything went black.

The captain finished stamping out his cigarette and opened the cabin door. "Mornin', Vince. Ya hungry? Breakfast's been ready for a while." He looked around the room, seeing no Vincents anywhere. He noticed the bathroom door was open. "Can I come in?" There was no response. "Hey Vince?... Jesus!!" Cid jumped back, his heart almost stopping. He saw the sink covered in red, dripping a trail to the floor, where the gunman lay in a growing puddle of his own blood. "Vincent!" Cid cried and dropped to his knees, holding Vincent's head in his shaking hands. "No, no, no, no..." he repeated, struggling to recognize any trace of life left in his dear friend.

--------------------------------------------------

The room fell into an eerie silence as Cid busted through the cafeteria doors, choking out a sob.

"What the fuck?" Barrett managed, upon seeing the blood that was staining the stunned captain's hands and pant legs. Cid's mouth opened, closed, and opened again, but nothing would come out.

"Cid, what happened?" Tifa asked anxiously.

"...Vincent..." he struggled, holding his bloody hands out as proof that things were not alright.

"Oh, God," Tifa started running towards Vincent's room, followed by Barrett, Cloud, and Cid. Red, Cait, and Yuffie rushed to the cockpit to tell the current pilot to land at the nearest town.

Tifa pretended to be brave as she knelt next to Vincent, trying to figure out the best thing to do. "Nobody has any restore materia left?" They all shook their heads. "What happened, Cid?" Cid couldn't talk, could only stroke Vincent's hair, could only point to Vincent's torn up arm, could only shake his head. He didn't know. He knew Vincent was always depressed, but never thought it would ever go this far.

"Cloud, go find some bandages," Tifa ordered. Cloud was gone in an instant and returned almost as quickly. Tifa did what she could to slow the bloodflow. They landed shortly after, however, and Barrett carried Vincent off of the ship, demanding directions to the closest medical center.

"I'll clean up here, and meet you when I finish," Cloud offered against his will. It was the last thing he really wanted to do. Tifa nodded and led the distraught Cid after Barrett.


	7. I'm Already Gone

Yes, this story's all yaoi / slash / m/m / whatever you wanna call it. So just go ahead and skedaddle if you don't wanna deal with all that, cos I don't wanna hear about it.

I really wanted to add more to this. Maybe I will if the creativity ever strikes me.

(Characters belong to Squeeeeenix.)

(_The thoughts. __They look like this_)

-------------------------

**07. My Body's Cold & It Thinks That I'm Already Gone.**

(Narrator's POV)

-------------------------

Nobody had said much of anything. Most of the group had gone to help Cloud clean up the bathroom or to meander about the town, giving their captain some space.

"Are you alright?"

Cid sat with Tifa in the hospital, waiting, staring at the wall, trying to smoke. He couldn't stop his hands from shaking. He couldn't get Vincent's face out of his head. He swore that for as long as he lived, he would never forget how his Vincent looked that morning. His skin, which was almost inhumanly pale to begin with, seemed to have lost what little colour it _did_ have. It made him look like he'd already been dead for hours.

"Cid? Are you alright?"

And the look on Vincent's face...Was that really a smile? It was so faint, barely there...but Cid saw it. He'd looked so happy and peaceful, drenching himself in his own blood. How dare he manage to be so content while he was...killing himself?

_Oh God, he was actually trying to..._

"Cid!" Tifa put her hand on Cid's leg, knocking him out of his thoughts.

"Huh?"

"I said 'are you alright?'"

"Oh." Cid took a drag of his cigarette and sort of thought about it, but never answered.

Several minutes went by before another word was spoken.

Cid broke the silence.

"I shouldn't've let this happen."

"How is this, in any way, your fault?" Tifa argued.

"Because it is, dammit. He wasn't really acting like himself recently and I just blew it off. I shoulda noticed somethin'. I shoulda seen this coming."

"Cid, _nobody else_ saw it coming either--"

"But _nobody else_ knows him like _I_ do!" Cid rubbed his eyes, trying to keep from crying. "I'd do damn near anything for him. I try so hard to make him happy. I actually made him laugh the other night. _I_ made Vincent Valentine fucken _laugh_. The stupidest goddamn thing. Called him 'Vinny-cent', an' he just busts out laughin'. God knows why. Just gigglin' like a little kid... Most beautiful thing I ever heard..."

He hung his head and gave a small smile, remembering that other evening. It's funny how quickly some things that seem so solid, so structured and safe, can become shaken and fragile. Tifa scooted closer and put her arm around his back, realizing that there was probably more to this relationship than just a "close friendship".

"I thought maybe he was finally comin' out of his goddamn misery. Even just a little bit, it'd be a good step forward. Thought maybe I could actually help him. Guess not." Cid gave a short, bitter laugh as he put out his cigarette.

"I'm scared, Tifa. I'm so scared of losing him. And if he's not already dead now, what if he tries this again? What am I supposed to do for him?"

Tifa sighed and rested her head on Cid's shoulder, at a loss for words. "...I don't know. I...I'm sorry..."

"Thank you for stickin' around with me." Cid didn't really care to keep up his usual tough attitude at the moment. He was sure Tifa wouldn't tease him later over seeing his soft side. There was no possible way to hide his emotions now anyway, so why bother? "It's nice to have somebody stickin' around right now."

Tifa nodded. "It's the least I can do."

"You're welcome to see Vincent now if you'd like."

"He's okay?" Cid perked up when the doctor came into the waiting room.

"He will be," the doctor explained. "He's not awake yet, but we're expecting him to be any time now."

Cid barely waited for the doctor to finish talking. He grabbed Tifa's hand and ran to Vincent's room as fast as he could.


	8. You'll Stomach The Hurt

Yes, this story's all yaoi / slash / m/m / whatever you wanna call it. So just go ahead and skedaddle if you don't wanna deal with all that, cos I don't wanna hear about it.

Aaaaangst.

(Characters belong to Squeeeeenix.)

(_The thoughts. __They look like this_)

-------------------------

**08. You'll Stomach The Hurt & Break For Him Here Just How Much He's Worth.**

(Vincent's POV)

-------------------------

There was nothing. _Nothing_. No thoughts, no noise. Nothing to see or hear. I could live with this whole being dead thing. Can dead monsters smile?

"Vince, please wake up."

_No. No, there is no "waking up" in hell_

"Please, Vince. Open your eyes."

_There is no Cid in hell either. There must be some kind of mistake_

"Fuck..." I groaned.

"Vincent! Vincent! Shit, Vince," Cid kissed my head.

"...Loud..." I pulled my hair in front of my eyes, only wanting to see the inviting blackness again, wanting to stop the slight throbbing in my head.

"Sorry, sorry," Cid quieted his voice.

"Thought I was dead..." I knew I sounded disappointed.

"You--you thought--what the fuck, Vince?" Cid stuttered, beginning to yell. "_You_ thought you were dead? _I_ thought you were dead! What the _fuck_ were you thinking?!"

"Cid!" Tifa came to my rescue. "I know you're upset, but now isn't the time to get angry," she calmed the pilot. He managed to keep his voice down. "Would you mind, just give me and Vince a minute?" Tifa nodded and left the room, carefully shutting the door behind her.

"Is all that really what you want?" He asked me.

I nodded, yes, that was what I indeed wanted. I noticed the strange sensations in my right arm. I knew that feeling well. I'd been sewn back together. The skin felt tight and it stung badly.

"I don't know what to say to you, Vincent. Part of me wants to take you in my arms, tell you how everything's okay. I dunno why. Fuck, I don't even know if everything's fucken okay. Part of me wants to just punch you in the goddamn teeth."

I smiled a bit. "Heh. Yes, do that."

It would have felt nice.

It might have kept me from focusing on the pain in my head.

"Huh? What the fuck? No!" Cid sounded horrified.

"_Quiet_, Cid. Be _quiet_." Oh, my head was pounding. I pushed the palm of my left hand into my forehead in a useless attempt to alleviate the pressure.

Cid was furious, but his tone softened once more. "Why do you want to leave me, Vincent?" His voice should have sent pangs of guilt through my heart...but it didn't. I almost felt guilty for not feeling guilty.

"You wouldn't care...after a while." I assured. I looked at Cid. His face was turning red with anger. I hid behind my hair again, bracing my ears for the shouting I was about to hear. But it didn't come. Cid sat on the edge of the bed. He took a deep breath, fighting back tears. "That...is a goddamn lie, Vincent."

I wasn't so sure.

I didn't have the energy to argue much though. I think I tried to say something in protest, but even all I heard was incoherent mumbling.

"That is _not_ true, and don't even fucking _dare_ to try and tell me otherwise. Answer my question."

"Mmmm..."

"I asked you why the hell you want to leave me. I think I at least deserve a fucking reason."

"Notchu, everything." That was true. Cid was my only thing worth living for at the time. I guess I had decided that wasn't enough for me.

"Dammit, Vince, I try so damn hard to make you happy. And there I am, actually thinkin' we're gettin' somewhere, and _this_ happens. Fucken hell, that's all I want anymore; for you to be happy."

"Thennlemme go...promise'll be happy then...just lemme die...it'llmake me happy..." I slurred so eloquently. Numb tingling, constant pounding, need for silence... My tired mind was full. Please, no more.

"Goddammit..." Cid cursed quietly, and lost what little composure he had left. "No!" he began to cry. "No, I will not just let you die! No, I will not let you go. I will not let you leave me, I don't care how selfish it is, it's not as selfish as taking your own goddamn life, Vincent. I can't...I just _can't_..."

He looked at me, and I could see the mix of worry and confusion and hurt in his eyes. I knew what he was feeling; the sorrow that takes its toll on your heart when you lose, or almost lose, the one you love the most. I closed my eyes again so I wouldn't see his pain, and listened to him continue. "I love you, Vincent. Maybe I shoulda said it more. How many times do you need to hear it to believe it? To know you mean the goddamn world to me?"

I didn't respond, so he continued. "I'm sorry if I did somethin' to upset you."

I shook my head slowly.

"I just don't feel like I've done enough for you. I'd give you anything you wanted if I knew it'd put a smile on your face."

I took this opportunity to hopefully quiet him. "Sleep." I held my left hand out, inviting Cid to lay down with me.

"Sleep? That's what you want now?" he asked and I responded with a nod. "Then sleep is what you'll get." He laid down and wrapped his arms around me, kissing my neck several times. "I was so scared, Vincent. Please promise me you'll never do this again."

"Mmmm..." I was too tired to care.

"I'm so sorry. I love you, Vince," were the last words I heard as sleep took over and let me escape for just a little while longer.

I dreamed of sadness and truth, and I woke with the harsh realization that I would not be allowed to leave this place and return to the Planet at that time. I was needed, and although I could not fathom a reason for it, I sadly tried to accept it.

--------------------------------------------------

I was too embarrassed to even look at any of my team mates when I returned to the Highwind. So I simply shut myself in my bedroom, only visited by Cid. He did his best to be patient with me, but I didn't make it easy for him. I hardly cared. He had decided that we would all take some time off from our journey, saying it would do everyone some good to take it easy for a while. Though I'm almost sure that decision was made mainly because he was too upset and distracted with me to continue.

My unhappiness was breaking his heart, he told me. But it wasn't like I could just turn it off. I simply wanted an end. If he honestly wanted to make me happy, he would let me have one.

For days, I lay in bed, facing the wall. I couldn't eat, couldn't even find the will to stand. I only acknowledged Cid when I had to, and it was mostly to argue.

"Please, Vince. If you won't do it for yourself, at least do it for me." Cid was trying to get some food in my stomach.

"Why the hell do you care?" I wouldn't look at him.

"Because I fucking do! Sometimes I honestly don't know why, but I love you, Vincent. I hate seeing you like this."

"You're a liar." I winced at the sound of glass crashing against the floor.

"Fuck you, Valentine. I am not a goddamn liar. Fuck you!" Cid stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

I didn't enjoy hurting him like I did. I don't know why I kept doing it. I suppose I was trying to push him away, to make him realize that he wouldn't be losing me, but getting rid of a burdensome pest. I couldn't decide if I could be strong enough to keep living this pathetic existence for somebody else.

Cid slept in the top bunk that night. Neither of us said a single word to each other. I lay there for a long while, unable to sleep, listening to his quiet snoring. I sat up and finally slid out of bed, groaning at the stiffness in my legs. Trying to tuck my hair behind my ears and out of my face, thinking, walking silently across the room, instinctively reaching for my Cerberus. I sat against the wall, stroking my gun, reasoning with myself. I slowly positioned the barrel underneath my chin, momentarily fingering the trigger. I pulled it back.

click

"Vincent!" Cid leapt off the bed.

"What?" I snapped, annoyed at the interruption.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" He cried and angrily snatched the gun from my hand.

"There are only one or two bullets left in it," I defended myself. "It was likely nothing would happen."

Cid stammered a flustered series of inconsistent words, nervously running his hands through his hair, probably deciding whether or not to slap me across the face with the weapon. "Fine." He fell to his knees in front of me, offering up the gun. "Will ya make sure it's loaded?" he asked quietly. I just stared at him, confused.

"I said make sure it's loaded!" He yelled, trying to shove it into my hand, but I didn't take it. "If you're so damn set on blowin' your damn brains out, you're takin' me with you." He moved closer to me, pressing the sides of our heads together. "This had better be loaded, Vincent," he whispered into my ear.

"Highwind, stop."

"No, Vince. You go, I'm goin' too." He lifted the gun to his head. The bullet would rip straight through both of our skulls.

"Ciddy, please don't," I urged.

"Hush, Vincent..." I felt him tense up.

Another click of the trigger sounded, overpoweringly loud in our silence.

"Fuck," Cid sighed, dropping his head to my shoulder, his body relaxing.

My heart was pounding. I realized I was forgetting to breathe.

"Why would you..." I began to ask, but couldn't complete the question.

Cid let the gun drop to the floor and embraced me. "Because I can't begin to imagine my life without you. Because there really isn't that much else for me. Because I want to be with you forever. Because I need you to know that I love you."

I understood then. I understood.

I returned the hug graciously. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I frightened you."

"Shutup Vince," he tightened the embrace.

I told him I loved him back, promising I would never try to damage myself again.

If he was so willing to end his life for me, I could bring myself to live for him.


	9. Pain Is Only A Pulse

Yes, this story's all yaoi / slash / m/m / whatever you wanna call it. So just go ahead and skedaddle if you don't wanna deal with all that, cos I don't wanna hear about it.

Yay boy sex! I suck at endings really bad.

I have a hard time writing the dirty parts. I like _reading_ other people's dirty parts just fine, but when I try to _write_ them, they don't turn out so well. I think I hold back too much.

(Characters belong to Squeeeeenix.)

(_The thoughts. __They look like this_)

-------------------------

**09. Pain Is Only A Pulse If You Just Stop Feeling It.**

(Narrator's POV)

-------------------------

"Hey Vinny, where ya been?" Cid asked when Vincent entered the room.

Vincent unfastened his cloak, laying it neatly over the back of a chair. "Just thinking."

"'Bout anything in particular?" Cid lazily flipped several times through the seven television channels the hotel received. Vincent simply stood at the door, silent. "You okay, Vince?" Cid turned the television off, tossed the remote on the bedside table, and turned his attention to Vincent, who hadn't moved or said anything further.

"Cid?"

"Yes, Vincent?"

But there was still no response. Only staring.

"Cid..."

"Vince?"

"...Nevermind," Vincent hung his head a bit in a futile attempt to hide from the pilot.

"Yeah, I'm sure," Cid didn't take his stare off the nervous gunman.

"Cid," Vincent looked up. "I think I'm ready."

"Huh?"

"If you still want me..."

"Oh, _that_," Cid realized and went over to Vincent. "If I still want you," he laughed at the absurdity of that statement. "Vincent, I want you very badly, but are you sure about this?" He held the back of Vincent's neck, and stood on his toes to be the same height, not wanting to do anything without as many consents as he could get.

"I'm not entirely sure if I'm sure. But I do know that I want to at least try," Vincent hesitated, realizing he would have to make the first move, and pressed his lips to Cid's.

Neither of them were very sure of what the next step should be, so they just kissed for a long while, wrapped in each other's arms, letting their tongues intertwine, feeling and tasting each other until Cid started to unbutton Vincent's shirt.

"Vinny, you promise me you'll let me know if we need to stop."

"I will," Vincent tugged at the pilot's jacket, kissing him again.

They undressed each other quickly, removing clothing between kisses. Cid pulled Vincent to the bed, pushing him backwards, holding him down, grinding their hips together.

"Cid, wait," he was being just a little too rough.

"Shit, I'm sorry Vincent," Cid moved to sit at Vincent's side, grazing his fingers down his pale chest. "I got carried away. We'll do this slow. There's no rush."

Vincent nodded, and let Cid tilt his head back to place small kisses down his throat. The kisses leisurely made their way down Vincent's body, letting a tongue sneak out to flick at the tip of his arousal, tasting the dripping precum. Vincent gasped at the light contact, grabbing at the pilot's hair, tugging gently.

Cid took the head of the gunman's aching erection into his mouth, teasing slow circles with his tongue. Vincent was breathing heavily, trying to keep quiet, but he couldn't help himself when Cid took him fully into his mouth. He cried out, bucking upward. Cid held a hand to Vincent's hip, trying to keep him still. He quickened his pace, bobbing his head up and down, driven by the sounds of pleasure coming from the gunman. "Ahh, Cid, I--" The words were forgotten. He came hard, unable to control the moans that the satisfying sensations elicited from him.

Vincent closed his eyes and tried to slow his breathing, as the pilot shifted up next to him. He could taste the slight traces of come in their kisses. Cid reached to the floor for his bag, digging around for his lube. "Aha! Come up here, Vince," he leaned his back against the headboard, directing Vincent to face him and straddle his lap.

As Vincent kissed his neck, Cid had begun to put the lube to use. He snaked his arm behind Vincent and gently worked two fingers into his entrance. Vincent gasped and instinctively bit down on Cid's shoulder. Cid hissed at the sharp pain, and though it did turn him on to an extent, he pushed Vincent's head away with his free hand.

"Mm, sorry," Vincent said in a low voice, lightly nibbling at the pilot's earlobe.

"Quit sayin' that," Cid removed his fingers and lubed himself up. "Ready?"

Vincent nodded and Cid guided Vincent down onto him. Vincent let out a yelp of mixed pleasure and pain as the pilot's erection pushed into him.

"You okay?" Cid asked. He wanted to make this as painless as possible.

"Yes, just...slow. Please," Vincent reminded.

Cid set an easy pace, hands on Vincent's waist, helping him match the rhythm. Vincent soon caught on, remembering how this all worked, and felt comfortable moving a bit faster. "Does this feel alright?" he asked.

"Ah, fuck yes, Vincent," Cid pulled Vincent's head down to kiss him, and wrapped his fingers around the gunman's length, which had become hard again.

Vincent began to let his body take over, instead of his mind. His body knew what it wanted, what felt good, and what was going too far. But he hadn't gone too far just yet, his body told him _harder_, _faster_, so he took what it needed. He cried out, tossing his head back as he came a second time, spilling onto Cid's stomach. Cid moaned Vincent's name, needing to feel his soft lips against his own. "Mm, I'm gonna cum Vincent..." he growled and kissed the gunman fiercely, moaning into the kiss, as he felt his own release take over.

Cid leaned his head back, out of breath, stroking Vincent's hair. "You doin' arright, Vinny?"

"Mhmm," Vincent lifted himself off of Cid and lay on the bed next to him. He'd almost forgotten about this part; forgotten that warm kisses and affectionate touches were _supposed_ to be a part of sex. He was more than happy to be reminded of that.

"Cid...You wouldn't leave me. Not tonight. Would you?"

"What? Course not. What kinda question is that?"

"I...I'm sorry. I know you wouldn't leave me."

"Damn right I wouldn't. Don't forget that."


	10. I Think You'd Better Take My Hand & Pray

Yes, this story's all yaoi / slash / m/m / whatever you wanna call it. So just go ahead and skedaddle if you don't wanna deal with all that, cos I don't wanna hear about it.

I know the whole "last night before" thing has been uuuused, but it does help in giving something to write around.

Hahaha. I originally had them celebrating at the Seventh Heaven bar. Then I realized that the Seventh Heaven would still be smashed under the plate at this point...

This part...The ending is goofy.

But oh well. I get to poke fun at Cloud.

And that's always a good thing.

(Characters belong to Squeeeeenix.)

(_The thoughts. __They look like this_)

-------------------------

**10. I Think You'd Better Take My Hand & Pray We Make This One Out Alive.**

(Narrator's POV)

-------------------------

So this was it. The final hours before AVALANCHE faced Sephiroth. They were strong, but they knew not to get their hopes up too much. They knew this could very well have been their last day on the Planet.

One last task before victory or defeat: find a reason to fight. If a reason was found, if they still had it in them to fight, then they would come back together and take on Sephiroth.

They all said their goodbyes, and went their separate ways, not sure of who they would see again the next day.

Cid looked around him. The room was empty. "Fuck." He slumped to the floor and sighed, burying his face in his hands. Vincent had gone back to Lucrecia. He hadn't told this to Cid, but why else would he have just disappeared?

Cid left his empty ship to sit outside. Alone. He hit the ground with his fist and growled in frustration. What was he supposed to do now?

He'd once said that there really wasn't much else for him without Vincent. This was proving to be more true than he'd wanted to realize. He would say goodbye to the stars once the sun set. After that, he would be completely lost.

There was just one more decision to be made. Would he stay and allow himself to be the first to go down in battle? Or should he just leave now and go back to his meaningless life in Rocket Town? There, he would spend the rest of his pathetic existence being bitter, sad, and lonely, regretting that he couldn't hang on to the only decent boyfriend he ever had.

Cid almost laughed at this. He would turn into everything he didn't want Vincent to be.

_Goddamn vampire. I don't need his skinny ass around to keep me happy_

But Cid knew that was the furthest thing from the truth. He angrily wiped at the stray tears that ran down his cheeks. Like hell he would let himself cry.

"Hey Captain."

Cid's head jerked up when he heard the quiet greeting. He was excited for a moment, until he remembered he was angry at Vincent. He looked away as the gunman sat on the grass next to him.

"Didja say goodbye to your girlfriend?" Cid sniffed but then he tried to hide any evidence that he had been crying.

"Don't call her that," Vincent was bothered by that question. "I couldn't do it. I thought it was what I had to do. I realized I was wrong."

"Ya coulda told me. Coulda lemme know that you were leavin' me."

"That was never my intention. I have my reasons for wanting to go to her, but I could never stay there. I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry."

"Yeah? Well you should be!" Cid yelled.

Vincent laid his hand Cid's knee.

"Vincent, jus'...just don't," Cid pushed his hand away. He hated being mad at Vincent, but this had hurt pretty bad.

"I am sorry, Cid." It was quiet between them for several long minutes. "I suppose I ought to leave you alone."

"Don't you fucking dare!" Cid snapped, keeping Vincent in place with his stare.

"I thought you were angry with me," Vincent said quietly.

"I _am_ angry, dammit."

"Then why do you want me here?"

"Because, God help me, I still love you, for fuck's sake." The hostility in Cid's voice had lessened considerably. "Vincent, I hafta know tonight, in case we die tomorrow. Do you really love me too?"

"More than I could possibly begin to describe," Vincent answered without hesitation.

Cid looked at him for what felt like a very long time. Vincent began to wonder if he was supposed to say the opposite, and thought to apologize, when he felt the pilot's arm around him. No, he had given the right answer. Cid rested his head on Vincent's shoulder and grasped his hand.

"I thought you'd be going back to Rocket Town," the gunman said.

"Yeah? What for?" Cid asked.

Vincent shrugged. "Anything. Your friends?"

"Hah. Anybody I know back there... As horrible as it sounds, they really don't mean all that much to me," Cid admitted.

The sun was low and the sky was turning a strange shade of purple and red. Although the evening was just beginning, morning would come too quickly.

"I have no family, no home to return to. I only have you," Vincent stated. "I want you to be my reason to fight. If you really have no intention of going home, I would like to spend these last hours with you."

Cid leaned in to kiss Vincent. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

They lay close together on the cool ground, watching as the stars began to appear.

"Cid, I really am sorry for what I did earlier."

"Hush. It's okay," Cid held Vincent close and spoke the words the gunman had needed to hear for so long. "You're forgiven."

--------------------------------------------------

The rising sun forced Cid out of his sleep. Vincent had been awake for some time now, just sitting and watching the pilot as he slept. He laughed quietly when Cid sat up.

"And what exactly do you find so funny?" Cid removed the goggles from his head and ran his hands through his untidy hair.

"You have grass marks all over the side of your face," Vincent snickered.

"Huh." Cid rubbed at his face; a failed attempt to rub the lines away. "You're a goddamn nerd, Vince. You'll laugh at the stupidest goddamn things...See what I mean?" Cid's comment had made the gunman laugh harder. Cid pulled Vincent's hands away from his face, wondering why he'd want to hide his laughter. "You got a really bad sense of humour." He gave Vincent a kiss.

"Do you think we'll make it through the day?" Vincent grew serious after a moment.

"Damn, Vince. I wanna say yes, but...I really don't know," Cid answered honestly. "Are you worried?"

"Yes. We've come so far together. I don't want this to end."

"At least we'll die together."

"What if that doesn't happen, Cid? What if only one of us lives?"

The sound of voices could be heard. They were getting close.

"Just try not to think about that now, Vinny," Cid tucked Vincent's hair behind his ear and stole a quick kiss before their teammates reached them.

"Hey. You guys are here early," Cloud greeted them. Tifa and Barrett were with him, and one by one, the rest of the group returned.

"Ya nervous, Spike?" Cid laughed at Cloud.

"No, I'm not," Cloud was pacing back and forth, wringing his hands. "Okay. Everyone's here."

Cid was having a hard time paying attention to Cloud's long speech. He just wanted to go out and get this over with. _Come on. Come on come on come on..._ he thought, and stifled a sigh of relief when Cloud instructed the group to get their equipment ready.

--------------------------------------------------

"Are you ready, Cid?"

"Yep."

"Materia and potions organized?"

"All set, Vince. You ready?"

"Yes, I think so."

The two of them stood in Cid's room, having prepared pistols and spears, and there was nothing left but to head out. But Vincent wouldn't go just yet. This might have been the last time they got to be alone together, and he was going to keep his arms around the pilot for just one more minute.

"Whatever happens, it'll be okay," Cid said reassuringly.

Vincent nodded in agreement. "Let's go then."

--------------------------------------------------

"There's _another_ one? These motherfuckers gotta stop!" Barrett ran to edge of the battlefield to reload his ammunition.

"Yeah, look's like Spike's 'bout ready to explode," Cid had caught his breath and ran in to cover Barrett's position. He wasn't far off with his comment. Cloud's limit broke. He lunged toward Sephiroth, hitting him dead on.

And it was over.

They all watched as Cloud dropped to his knees, leaning on his sword, breathing heavily. It was quiet for a moment; a stunned silence. They had all survived. The Planet would live.

Once this was realized, the cheering started. There were victory hugs and jumping around and excited shouts and hollers of all kinds. Even Reeve, who was watching the action from his office via Cait Sith, let out a happy "Whooo!" and spun around in his chair.

"Vinny!" Cid bounded over to Vincent and held his face in his hands. "Vinny, we did it!"

"Yeah. Yeah, we did," Vincent had sort of a dazed smile on his face as he wrapped his arms around the pilot.

"We made it, Vinny! Fuck! I love you!"

"I lovmmm-mm," Vincent was cut off when Cid took over his mouth, not giving a damn who saw him givin' his vampire some lovin'.

--------------------------------------------------

AVALANCHE celebrated their victory that evening at a bar, getting wasted and forcing the bartender to turn the television volume up when they saw news reports about themselves and the defeat of Sephiroth.

"You do know I'm takin' ya home with me, right Vince?" Cid asked, handing Vincent a shot of...something. Vincent sniffed at it.

"Dammit, Highwind, that stuff is _terrible_!" Vincent choked out after taking the shot.

"Gah! That was pretty fucken bad. How 'bout another?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Ya gonna answer my question, Vampy?"

"I wouldn't be a bother?"

"Course not. 'S'why I'm askin' ya."

"Shera wouldn't mind?"

"No way. She can just go an' fucken move out 'f'she's got a problem with my Vinny. An' you said yourself, ya got nowhere ta go. How could I just letcha go jus'...livin' in a tree er somethin', whatever..."

Vincent scooted Cid's glass away from him. "I think you should slow down on the drinks a bit."

"Pleeease, Vinny-kitten? Can I take ya home with me?" Cid nuzzled against Vincent's shoulder. "I'll take really good care of ya, I promise."

"Very well then," Vincent agreed and received a somewhat sloppy kiss from a somewhat drunken Cid.

"Aww, they're so cute together," Yuffie squealed as she sipped on her drink and put her fake ID back in her pocket.

"Huh? Who are you talking about?" Cloud asked, ever clueless.

Tifa pointed down the bar. "Vincent and Cid."

Cloud glanced over toward them. "What? When did that happen?"

"Like, a really long time ago," Yuffie tapped on Cloud's head. "You don't notice much do you?"


	11. I'd Crush Your Face In The Door

Yes, this story's all yaoi / slash / m/m / whatever you wanna call it. So just go ahead and skedaddle if you don't wanna deal with all that, cos I don't wanna hear about it.

Rest assured, the end of this chapter is a happy one. I dunno if it really seems like it, but it is indeed a happy ending.

(Characters belong to Squeeeeenix.)

(_The thoughts. __They look like this_)

-------------------------

**11. If I Had My Way I'd Crush Your Face In The Door.**

(Vincent's POV)

-------------------------

There were days when I could actually say that I felt happy. It was nice to wake up, knowing that I was loved, and I could spend the whole day with the one who loved me the most. I would help out around the house. If I dropped and broke a glass, I wouldn't apologize for the next thirty minutes and feel guilty. For once, I knew it wasn't my fault; it was only an accident.

I was able to talk and laugh and joke about things. I could forget about what had happened in the past, and finally be Vincent. Not a guilt-ridden, deformed, undeserving monster. Just me.

Yet there were long stretches of days, weeks, where I wanted to hide. In the cellar, or perhaps the basement of the abandoned church outside of town. Any place where I could be by myself, undetected. I would sit in the dark. I would imagine myself being buried, aware of the dirt that covered me little by little. Still breathing, but far from alive. I would lose myself in my thoughts, completely oblivious to my surroundings.

Inevitably, I would be pulled back from my thoughts. Sometimes Cid would find me and bring me home. If not, I would wander, ever brooding, back to the house. No matter how late it was, Cid would be up, pacing and smoking, having run out of places to look. He'd curse and hug me, tell me he thought I'd gone back to Lucrecia and that I should tell him where I'm going so he wouldn't worry.

I would usually get mad at him. "You don't need to know my every move," I would yell. "You don't have to look after me like I'm a fucking child. I don't need you to take care of me." And I would realize what I had said only after I said it. I knew it hurt him.

Sometimes he would argue.

Sometimes I would apologize.

Either of us could end up sleeping downstairs.

We could forgive each other and go to sleep together.

One of us could walk out the door and stay out until we settled down.

Occasionally, I _would_ go to Lucrecia. It would be like something was tugging on my mind. If I followed, it would lead me to her. I'd stay there for a few days, or maybe a few weeks. I left her when I was ready; when I felt I had said all I needed to. But it was never enough to straighten myself out. I couldn't rid myself of her. She always called me back later.

I'd return to Cid. I knew that was where I belonged, but my mind was still a mess. It kept going back and forth, content, depressed, satisfied, bitter, happy, confused. I felt as if I were being ripped in two in a vicious tug of war game between happiness and sadness. Neither of them seemed to be winning. It made me want to yell and scream until it all just disappeared.

As difficult as this was for me, I knew it took it's toll on Cid as well. I would cling to him, love him, not want to be in separate rooms for even a moment. Then I would turn around and get angry with him and push him away for no reason. It was like a whole other demon in me that I couldn't control. I hated it and I hated myself for letting it take over. Yet Cid did his best to keep an even temper and no matter how childish or cruel I was being, he would still tell me he loved me.

"How can you stand this? How can you sit there and take this?" I cried. He took me by the shoulders and sat me down, insisting that I listen to him.

"I won't pretend and say I know what you're feelin'," he told me. "But I know you've been through hell. Nobody goes through what happened to you without any problems afterwards. Quit squirmin', you're gonna hear me out, dammit."

So I sat still.

"You were hurt in an unbelievable way. I could never expect ya to just get over it. It's like my own hell, knowin' you're hurtin' like this. I feel so damn helpless all the time, but fuck if I'm gonna just let ya go on by yourself. I dunno if it's helped at all, but I'm tryin' every way I can think of to get it in your head."

He was able to let go of me without worrying that I would run.

"You need to understand that it's all over an' done with. That Hojo bastard is gone. He's dead. We killed 'im. _You_ killed 'im. The only way he can live is in what you remember."

"But Cid," I interrupted. "He left reminders of himself all over me, inside of me. No matter what I do, I can't get rid of any of that."

"No, you can't get rid of it, but you can change what it all means," he put his hand to my chest. "In here, those crazy demons ya got. You've learned to control 'em, right? Maybe they're not so bad. How many times have they saved our lives? Told ya they wanted out so they can kill? They never hurt your friends, only the enemies. When shit got rough for us, they killed so we could live."

His hand trailed down to where he knew the gunshot wound was. "An' these scars ya got. They don't make ya look horrible or scary or anything. They prove how fucken tough ya are. All the shit ya went through to get these scars, and you're still alive. You were strong enough to make it and I'm damn prouda ya for it."

"And this," he held my metal hand. "To start with, it's gotta be better than no arm at all. Look at that! I can still manage to get a laugh outta ya. Seriously though. So it looks a little different. _I_ don't care. It's the same to me. I love this one as much as I love the other one," and he took hold of my human hand as he said this, "because it's still a part of you, no matter what it looks like.

"I really don't expect me saying all this to just flip a switch in your head an' you'll suddenly be all happy, but I wanted to tell you. Ya gotta quit focusing on the past. Not right this second, but ya gotta work on it, and stop bein' scared of somethin' that's long gone. I'll be here for ya. I can't promise I'll know exactly what to say or do, and I can't promise that it'll be easier from here on out. But I'm here when you need me. If you wanna yell at someone, I'll listen. If you wanna hit me, go ahead. If you just need someone to give ya a hug and tell ya 'I love you', then you come to me. I'll do anything I can to help."

He was right; it didn't suddenly make everything better, but it was the most comforting thing he could have said, and I kept it in mind. I told Cid later that I was going out, I just wanted to be alone to think about things. I didn't know where I'd go, but it wouldn't be far, and I would be back that evening. I was acknowledging that he really did care about me, and though it wasn't very much, I felt the smallest bit better.

I wanted to be alone, but maybe I wouldn't sit in darkness this time. I found a quiet place far away from anything else. Picking out a suitable tree, I grabbed a branch and lifted myself up, climbing as high as I could. I leaned against the trunk and closed my eyes. It was difficult to not let my mind wander, but I forced myself to think about something new. I would not imagine death, and I would not pretend I could hide.

Slowly, the pain was fading away.

More than two years had passed. I felt almost normal. The nightmares came only occasionally. I could go through the whole day without remembering what I wanted to forget. I could hold actual conversations with the neighbours. Most importantly, I knew what it was like to feel human again.

But there was still something that I had left unfinished.

I fastened my cloak and holstered my gun, ready to depart, when it occurred to me that I should at least let Cid know I was going. I walked to the desk to find a pen and paper, and scribbled down a quick note.

_"Cid-_

_I will explain the reason for my absence when I return. I won't be gone long. Please don't worry, and please don't be angry with me. - Vincent"_

I set it on the bedside table, next to his pack of cigarettes, where he would find it almost immediately, and climbed silently out the window.

--------------------------------------------------

"Thanks for the note, Vincent," Cid sat on the ground near the Bronco, smoking and glaring at me angrily.

"I had to-" I was ready to explain, but he interrupted.

"Had ta what? Go back to your _goddamn dead girlfriend_?!" he yelled and threw his lighter at me. "I thought you were done with 'er. I thought you were gettin' better an' we were gonna be fucken happy together. Dammit, you just had ta run back to 'er, to a fucken dead chick who didn't fucking love you in the first place!" he shouted and flung a random tool at his plane.

I winced as the tool collided with metal. I knew he would regret that later on. "Cid, please listen," I said. "I _am_ done with her. I went to her for a sort of closure, because as ridiculous it sounds, I needed to end it fully. I went to her so I could finish straightening myself out. Now it's over and I'm back home to be with you."

Cid stood and walked towards me, grabbing my collar. "You'd damn well better be tellin' me the truth."

"I swear it."

"Good. About goddamn time you finished with that shit," he let go of my shirt and stalked back into the house, mumbling to himself. "Psh. Didn't even say 'sorry'. Damn vampire...finally standin' up for himself. 'Bout goddamn time..."


	12. Breathe Up Through Lust

Yes, this story's all yaoi / slash / m/m / whatever you wanna call it. So just go ahead and skedaddle if you don't wanna deal with all that, cos I don't wanna hear about it.

Again, suck at endings.

Cid's favourite activity - getting Vincent off : D

(Characters belong to Squeeeeenix.)

(_The thoughts. __They look like this_)

-------------------------

**12. Breathe Up Through Lust, I'll Find Your Cure.**

(Vincent's POV)

-------------------------

"Hey Vinny-kitten? I got somethin' I wanna ask ya."

I was immediately worried. Cid only added the "kitten" when there was going to have to be some convincing involved. He had a look on his face that told me he was up to something. "I think I already want to say no."

"Lemme ask before ya turn me down. Since nobody's gonna be home tonight, I figured we can make as much noise as we want to. So maybe we could do something kinda fun," Cid grinned at me and kissed my nose. "Now I don't wanna make you uncomfortable or anything, okay? I want you to say no if there is _any little tiny thing_ that bothers you about it. Don't just say yes cos I'm askin' ya."

"Alright, Highwind, just tell me, please." Every word he said added to my growing worry.

"Can I tie you up? And maybe there would be a little blindfolding involved too?"

I was not expecting that. I mulled it over for a few minutes, Cid sitting patiently, watching me. I had what I considered a pathetic question to answer: Am I stable enough to handle that? I reached up to twiddle my fingers through Cid's hair as I thought it through, telling myself the things I already knew.

Ultimately, I knew that I trusted Cid completely. I had nothing to be afraid of.

"If that really is how you want to spend your evening, then yes," I finally answered. Cid kissed me happily, removing the red cloth that kept the hair out of my face. "If it makes you uncomfortable, or you don't like it for even a second, you tell me immediately, and I'll stop as soon as you tell me. Alright, Vince?"

"Yes, Captain," I quietly agreed, biting at his earlobe a bit. "No, Vincent," he gently pushed me away and wrapped the red fabric over my eyes. "I know how you get with your biting. Not tonight." I gave the best innocent smile I could. Cid laughed and I felt him move.

I tried to find him with my right arm, but he'd moved out of my reach. "Kiss me, please?"

Cid came back to the bed a minute later to comply to my request and began to unbutton my shirt. When the shirt was off, Cid took my hands, kissing them before tying them to the head of the bed with soft fabric. He took his time kissing, licking, and running his fingers all across my chest, over every scar, working his way down my stomach and back up again, where our lips met. "You alright, Vincent?" Cid asked. "Mmmyes..." I lifted my head up to kiss him again, but I was too late. He had sat up to take off his own shirt and was quickly back to teasing my stomach with light kisses.

I felt a heightened sense of things; each soft touch and graze of fingernails across my skin felt more exciting and more intense than it would if I would have been able to see it. I didn't know what was going to happen next or what it would feel like. My body tensed in anticipation of what and where the next touch would be.

There was a pause as Cid worked to remove my pants, as well as his own, and tie my ankles to the bed posts. It was exhilarating, laying there naked and exposed, unable to physically control what would happen to me. It was a thought that would have scared me to death a year before. Now, though, my heart raced with excitement instead of fear.

I felt a warm, wet tongue trace slow circles down my left hip, then my right. Soft lips grazing my inner thighs, making me shudder, but never touching the places that _needed_ it. "Cid, _please_," I begged. He licked at the precum that was dripping onto my stomach.

"Yes, Vincent," Cid obliged and dragged his tongue ever so lightly, painfully slow, from the base to the head of my cock. I tried so hard to keep still. I was afraid I would die under these conditions. And Cid kept teasing me slowly as my erection throbbed mercilessly and I was left moaning and cursing unintelligibly.

When I had given up begging and pleading for more, he finally took me in his mouth, doing his best to restrain me from thrusting my hips furiously. I couldn't help but struggle to push my way further into his mouth and try to speed him up. "Please, Cid, little bit faster, please..." I began to feel a familiar tingling in the pit of my stomach. "Mmmyes, Cid, mmmI'm gonna cum soon..." I groaned through clenched teeth. "NnnghCid, ahhI'm gonna...No!"

He stopped. He took his mouth away from me. "No, Cid! Why?"

He crawled up and was kissing my chest, up my throat, nipping at all the sensitive spots around my neck. My eyes were burning. Yes, I was actually going to cry over this. It was serious. He'd just left me there when I needed him to stay and finish what he'd started.

"No more teasing, Cid!" I choked back a pathetic sob.

"What? You're not having any fun, Vincent?" I heard the smile in his voice, sounding pleased with himself.

"You're cruel, Highwind! You're fucking cruel," I growled.

Cid laughed. "Don't be upset. Doesn't it feel good?" He ventured back downwards, continuing his deliberately unhurried pace.

"Yes it's good, but...ahhh..."

He pulled my foreskin down all the way and focused all of his tongue's attention on the frenulum, just under the head of my cock. I cried out before I could even think about stopping myself, my body writhing underneath its merciless antagonist. It was the most enjoyable, pleasurable pain I'd ever experienced. It was excruciatingly _good_.

All logical thoughts had left my mind. The only thoughts left were those centered solely on the sensations I was feeling. I threw my head back, moaning, swearing incoherently, unable to suppress shouts of pleasure, as I gave in to my release. It pulsed through my body and shot onto my chest and stomach, forming warm trails of wetness, making me shiver in delirious relief.

Cid crawled up towards the head of the bed and kneeled with one knee on either side of me. His hand under my chin signaled me to open my mouth. I whimpered slightly, completely exhausted, but I wanted it badly. I did as I was told. The bed shook as he jerked himself furiously, grabbing my hair, but careful enough to not pull too hard. I stuck my tongue out, hoping I was close enough to get a taste. I found Cid and he leaned a little bit closer so I could tease just the tip of his cock. "Ahh, Vincent...Vincent, fuck," he moaned as he came. I tried to catch as much of it as I could, enjoying the intimate sweetness.

Cid rubbed his thumb against my cheek, wiping away some of his mess, and kissed me fiercely. When the kiss broke, he stood up to retrieve the box of tissues we kept nearby for specific reasons.

I wondered if he'd forgotten about me. "Ciddy, I want to see you." I was almost too worn out to speak. He lifted my head up, took my blindfold off, and kissed me again before cleaning the both of us off. He tossed the tissues into the trash can and stared at me.

"What?" I asked.

"I've never heard you get so loud before. Those noises you were makin'...it sounded incredible," he told me. I felt my face start to turn red and I didn't know what to say. But Cid flashed a silly looking grin and continued. "Guess I musta been doin' a really good job, eh?"

I sighed, not wanting to give in and admit he did well. "Untie me, Highwind."

"Aw, come on Vince. Don't get all pouty," Cid said as he began to free me from my restraints. He untied my feet, and looked at me again. I did my best to look angry. "Dammit, Vinny. You just won't admit that it was fun. You're being downright mean."

Feeling a little bit guilty, I finally let myself smile at him. "Alright, I admit it. It felt fucking amazing."

Cid laughed and let my hands free. "Where'd you learn to talk like that?" he joked and laid down with me, pulling the blankets over us. I cuddled up as near as I could to him, loving the closeness.

"Learned from the best, Captain."


	13. On The Innocent They Tread

Yes, this story's all yaoi / slash / m/m / whatever you wanna call it. So just go ahead and skedaddle if you don't wanna deal with all that, cos I don't wanna hear about it.

Here, the story changes quite a bit. I mean, Vincent and Cid are happy, so what else is there to write about with it? There's no more conflict. So...I mean, I like this idea, but I'm afraid it's kind of silly. But I've already written it, so take it or leave it

: D

Also, the "Cloud calling Cid & Vincent for help with fiends" idea came from http://yaoi. But I think the story has been taken down? I loved that story D :

(Characters belong to Squeeeeenix.)

(But I've got Felix & Smith!)

(_The thoughts. __They look like this_)

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**13. On The Innocent They Tread.**

(Narrator's POV)

-------------------------

The sound of his phone ringing always caught Vincent by surprise. It very rarely rang, and he never assumed anyone would ever have any reason to call him.

_--Ring-Ring--_

Cid took a sip of his tea. "Hey Vin, you gonna answer that?"

"Oh..." Vincent dug through his pockets and fumbled with the phone. He stared at the buttons for a moment, trying to locate the "talk" button. "Hullo?" he asked, making sure he actually had the pone right side up.

"Who is it? Who is it?" Cid asked excitedly. Vincent waved a hand at him, motioning to be quiet, and left the room so he could hear. "Goddammit..." Cid cursed quietly. If they were calling Vincent, it had to be important.

As soon as Cid had lit a cigarette, the gunman came back swiftly. "Come on." He swung his cloak over his shoulders. "It was Cloud. There are fiends about fifteen miles south of here. We're the closest to them."

--------------------------------------------------

They reached their destination and entered the woods warily. "Did Cloud say what they were like?" Cid asked after a while, holding his spear, ready to leap at an attacker. Vincent whipped around and drew his gun in one fluid motion. "Like that." He pulled the trigger and shot at the giant creature that was running toward them. The bullet hit the monster in the face, causing it to fall backward, yowling in pain.

"What the fuck is that thing, Vincent?" The two had never seen one before.

"I have no idea." Vincent moved forward to get a closer look. The monster had gone still and silent. It had an enormous body, almost like a bear. An eight and a half foot tall bear. A face like a wolf's except wider, and a much larger mouth with very long, sharp teeth that jutted up outside of its mouth. There were monstrosities that more resembled a human hand, rather than a paw, with thick, elongated claw-like fingers. Scary, deadly, jagged things that suddenly came to life and swiped at Vincent.

"Fuck!" Cid sprang towards the beast, stabbing his spear into it's chest repeatedly. "Jesus, you okay, Vin?"

"Yes, I'm fine." The gunman was bleeding where the fiend had slashed his cheek. But it wasn't a deep cut; it would heal within a short time. "Cid, I think this is going to be tricky."

There was a growing number of growling, drooling fiends encircling them, preparing to attack. Vincent cast haste on himself and Cid, trying to keep calm. He wanted to stay as far from a limit break as he could.

--------------------------------------------------

"I really hope that was all of 'em...House!" Cid pointed forward. True enough, there stood a little house in a small clearing, just ahead of them. Cid tripped on something and looked down. "Oh man. It's a fucken arm!" He jumped away, creeped out by the sight. Vincent winced and tried to ignore it, only to come upon a small pile of bones. There were no signs of more monsters around, just the remains of the meal that they left behind.

Vincent knocked on the door they came to. No answer. He knocked again. "Vince, I don't think anybody's coming," Cid admitted sadly. They turned to leave, but Vincent stopped, sensing something that Cid couldn't. "Wait, Cid. Someone's still inside."

"Or something," Cid remarked sarcastically, preparing to attack. Vincent tried the door handle. It was unlocked. They found nothing on the first floor, and decided to venture upstairs. They heard a small voice coming from one of the rooms. "Miffy no crying. Quiet Miffy, no crying!"

Cid peeked around the door jamb and saw two little children huddled in a corner behind a chair. "Hey there," he said as he entered the room. The older, red haired boy came charging out, armed with a book, which he threw, hitting Cid in the shin. "Ow! Son of a bitch!" At that, the younger blonde boy began to cry, and the attacker began to yell at Cid to get away from him and his brother.

"Highwind! They're only children. Watch what you say," Vincent warned. He walked over to the chair and kneeled down in front of the little one. He reached up for Vincent, calling for his mama, big tears rolling down his cheeks. He wasn't much more than just a baby. It hurt Vincent to see the child so upset. He took the boy in his arms and held him close. It was comforting to Vincent that he didn't seem to be bothered by the metal arm that helped to embrace him. "I won't hurt you, little guy," he promised softly.

Meanwhile, Cid had finally calmed the other angry child. "Whatcher name, kid?"

"Flicks."

"Flicks?" Cid repeated, wondering if he'd heard properly.

"No! Flicks!" The boy insisted.

"Okay, and your brother?"

"Dat's Miffy," he pointed.

"Uh huh...Where are your parents?" Cid looked around the room and wandered over to a bookstand, looking at the framed pictures that sat on one of the shelves. The red headed boy answered in child-like babble. Cid managed to piece it together from the words he understood.

Going for help. Stay put. Hide. Keep quiet.

The pilot took a book off of the shelf and opened it. A baby book. With names and birthdates. "Ohh...Felix and Smith. Turned 3 and 2, both just last month," he read out loud to inform Vincent. He was mindful of how he phrased his next words. "Are they... Have your parents come back yet?" Felix shook his head. "Do you have an aunt or uncle around? Any family you go visit?"

Again, Felix said no. Vincent gave Cid a worried look. They had found no evidence of life in the area, other than the monsters they had killed. "Cid, we can't leave them," Vincent said anxiously.

"Yeah, I know, Vince." He sat down next to Felix. He could see how scared the boy was, though he hid it well. Cid was impressed with his bravery. "Maybe they could pack some stuff up and come stay with us, till we find their parents and it's safe here."

Vincent nodded, agreeing. He was slowly rocking back and forth with the little blonde child still safely in his arms. He'd tired himself out crying, and was now sleeping soundly. Vincent felt an overpowering urge to protect the helpless boy. There was almost no chance of the parents' survival. Most likely, they had already stumbled upon them - quite literally - in the pile they'd found outside. It was a harsh reality he wished he could keep Smith and his brother safe from.

"Does that sound okay, Felix?" Cid wouldn't have given him a choice, but didn't want to make him feel excluded. Felix agreed and helped Cid gather clothes and other necessities. Vincent reluctantly laid Smith down and proceeded to search the house for any information about friends or relatives. He came back empty handed. "Cid, perhaps we should..." He moved closer to the pilot so he could speak quietly and hoped the boys wouldn't be able to hear. "Perhaps we should take some of these photographs. They could be helpful in finding family, but if there is no family... It would be something nice for the children to have. Do you think so?"

Cid gave Vincent's arm a reassuring squeeze. "Yeah. I think that's a good idea, Vince."

--------------------------------------------------

It was a long, tiring trek back home. The search for the unlikely family could wait until morning. Vincent thought that maybe Reeve would have connections to somebody who could help them. But that was tomorrow. Tonight there would be warm dinner, hot baths, and comfortable beds to sleep in.

"Shera!" Cid yelled as the came through the front door, dropping Felix gently onto the couch. "What do kids eat?"

Shera, immediately worried, came racing to the living room from the kitchen. "Oh God, what have you done now?"

--------------------------------------------------

"Hello, Vincent. It's Reeve."

"Have you found any information on the children?" It had been several months since Reeve had begun investigations to find any family.

"The parents have been found," Reeve began. "Unfortunately, they didn't survive the fiend attack. All that was found were their remains."

Vincent was silent for a moment. "What about any other relatives?"

"I'm sorry, Vincent. No one has come forward, or given any help or information," Reeve hated to have to say that.

Vincent sat down heavily in one of the kitchen chairs and rested his forehead on the table. "Reeve, what are we supposed to tell them?"

"I'm really not sure. I don't think I can help with that, but I can arrange for you to meet with someone from the Midgar Adoption Agency who probably could help. They could also get started on finding a family who's willing to take in the boys."

They had lost their home and family, and now they would be moved all over the place. The orphanage, possibly several foster homes, and what if there _was_ nobody to take them in? They were so young, and they'd been through so much already.

Vincent sighed. He lifted his head and looked out the window. He watched Cid lift Felix into the Tiny Bronco, probably explaining how planes fly in terms the child would never understand, as he held Smiths hands up, helping him balance while he waddled around trying to walk.

"Are you still there, Vincent?"

"I'm here. Do we have to...I mean, is there any way..."

"Seriously?"

"Yes. What if we want them to stay here and live with us?"

"You haven't mentioned this to Cid, have you?" Reeve assumed correctly.

"Well, no..." Vincent admitted.

"This is a huge decision, Vincent. It's not going to be easy. I don't want you to think you need to take care of them just because you feel sorry for them. That doesn't have to be your responsibility."

"I know that, Reeve."

"Why don't you take a few days - take as long as you need - and really think about it. Talk it over with Cid and make sure this is something you both can honestly handle. Make sure it's the best decision for you, and the boys."

"Alright. I'll give you a call once we've figured it out." Vincent said his goodbye to Reeve and hung up the phone. He mentally prepared himself for the conversation that was about to take place, and headed out the back door.

"Look, Vinny! We taught Smiffy a new trick! Show 'im whatcha can do," Cid let go of Smith's hands. The boy took several small, shaky baby steps towards Vincent and lost his balance. Vincent reached down to steady him before he fully fell over.

"Aren'tcha proud of 'im, Vince?" Cid was grinning ear to ear.

"Yes, I am. You're doing very well. You'll be running around with your brother before too long," Vincent smiled and picked him up. "Cid," he lowered his voice and tried to cover Smith's ears. "Reeve called."

"Oh. Well, what did he say?" Cid wasn't sure what he wanted to hear.

"The parents..." Vincent paused and decided it was best to put Smith down. He stood close to Cid so they could talk as quietly as possible. "Cid, their mother and father are dead. No other family members have been found."

Cid brushed the hair from the gunman's face. "So what does that mean? What do we do next?"

"Reeve said he could arrange an appointment with someone from the adoption agency so they can start searching for foster families," Vincent glanced over to make sure the boys were behaving. "But...he also said he would give you and me time to think about keeping them with us."

"Really?" Cid brightened up a bit.

"Yes. I know we haven't really talked about it, but I was watching you out here with them and... I feel I'm growing to love them. It feels like they're already a part of...us. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, I get it. I get it perfectly. I feel the same way," Cid took Vincent's hand.

"We're supposed to really think this through, and make sure this is the right choice," Vincent said.

"I know it is," Cid asserted. "I want this, and you do too, right?"

Vincent nodded.

"We can take care of 'em, Vince. We're responsible adults. Shera can help too, if we need it. I'm willing to do this, if you are."

Vincent couldn't help but smile. "So it's settled then."


	14. When Will Our Nightmare Ever End?

Yes, this story's all yaoi / slash / m/m / whatever you wanna call it. So just go ahead and skedaddle if you don't wanna deal with all that, cos I don't wanna hear about it.

This was the chapter that started it all! Back in March 2007, I was visiting my family in California, just having played my dad's copy of Dirge of Cerberus, laying in the bottom of my little bro's bunk bed, unable to sleep. So I started writing for the first time in years.

Also, this chapter may or may not be finished. Meh.

(Characters belong to Squeeeeenix.)

(But Felix and Smith are all mine!)

(_The thoughts. __They look like this_)

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**14. In The Time We Spent, Forever After Beyond This, When Will Our Nightmare Ever End?**

(Vincent's POV)

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Couldn't sleep.

I used to be okay with it. Used to just lay there and resign myself to staring through the dark at the ceiling, top bunk, stars, whatever happened to be above me.

Now though...

Every night that I fail to sleep, I feel like it will drive me a little bit crazier.

Lucky for me, it doesn't happen all that often anymore.

I carefully slid out of the small bed and slipped on my pants. Walked silently towards the television and pressed the on/off button with one finger, making sure to immediately force the volume button down with another.

I guess we were famous now. They'd made a video game of us, of all things.

Though horrified at first, I eventually got a kick out of playing it and picking out all the incorrect details that completely surrounded the plot.

I hadn't gotten far enough to have Cid or myself join the team yet. It was a bit of a let down-we were my two favourite characters after all.

Until then, I was forced to rely on Cloud for the majority of the team's strength. I suppose I didn't mind so much. He's confused and troubled and sad inside, but aren't we all? He's a good kid, his heart's usually in the right place. But he can really be a whiny little bitch sometimes.

I was also told that I would be able to take on Hojo near the end of this game. That sort of excited me, but I worried about huddling up in the corner screaming as soon as his blocky, heavily pixelized figure appeared on screen.

It had taken a while to adapt to the game controller with that damn claw of mine, but I fared pretty well. Completely oblivious...I could feel my eyes glazing over as I was totally sucked into the game, pressing buttons methodically.

"Daddy!" I felt a finger poke at my shoulder and just about jumped out of my skin. Once I started to breathe again, I realized that it could have only been one of two little boys. "Sorry, Smith."

Smith's eyes were wide with fear. "I knocked." He felt guilty for startling me. That's funny; I felt guilty for startling him. I tried to give him a comforting smile. His expression didn't change though. "I had bad dreams," he confided quietly, looking shamed. It broke my heart to see his little face like that. I hugged him tightly. "It's okay, Smiffy. It's all over now. You're safe." Smith nodded, but didn't look convinced. "Do you want me to come tuck you in?" I offered. He nodded again and I wiped a stray tear from his cheek.

It is slightly tricky to carry a child to the top bunk.

"Are you alright now?" I pulled the blankets over Smith's shoulders.

"Don't go," he looked as if he might start to cry again. I climbed up the ladder and laid down beside him. "Will you tell me a story?"

I thought a moment, trying to remember these bedtime stories. I closed my eyes, remembering being small, listening to my mother's voice telling a tale about chocobos and moogles racing each other. I struggled to recite the words. It was silly, but I worried a lot about whether I was able to be an adequate father. Even with something as simple as telling a story...Could I do it right?

Smith kept coming to me though, when he was hurt or scared, needed comforting, company, or somebody to simply colour with. It surely didn't make me feel like a failure.

They never talked much about their mother and father. Cid and I had been open about the whole situation; they knew what had happened to their previous family. Felix seemed to be alright with it, and so did Smith for the most part, except that he was scared to death of fiends. Though it was extremely rare to find any around Rocket Town, he had a hard time going to sleep, afraid they were hiding in the closet, waiting for him.

One evening, I went to dig up my old Peacemaker and cleaned it up a bit. Before bedtime, I talked to Smith.

"I may have found a way for you feel safe from those monsters," I said, showing him the gun. "You're not old enough to have normal ammunition, but I have special bullets you can use." I opened an empty box of bullets, pretended to load the gun, and aimed toward the wall. "You see, these bullets can't ever hurt you or me," I pulled the trigger, though nothing came out. "But they'll take out a fiend in one hit."

"Like my own Cerbus?" Smith had to use both hands to hold the gun.

"Yes," I laughed. "Like your very own Cerbus."


	15. Good Morning Sunshine

Yes, this story's all yaoi / slash / m/m / whatever you wanna call it. So just go ahead and skedaddle if you don't wanna deal with all that, cos I don't wanna hear about it.

Again, this chapter thing may or may not be finished. So meh.

(Characters belong to Squeeeeenix.)

(But Felix and Smith are all mine!)

(_The thoughts. __They look like this_)

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**15. Good Morning Sunshine, Awake When The Sun Hits The Sky.**

(Narrator's POV)

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The sun had just begun to show itself to Rocket Town when Cid opened his eyes. He reached his arm over to make sure Vincent was still there. It was an instinctual reaction he still had from when the gunman was in the habit of sneaking away at night, to vanish for indeterminable amounts of time. He sat up with a start, realizing he was alone in the room. For one quick moment, Cid had feared the worst. But as he came to his senses, he remembered that Vincent didn't run off anymore; hadn't done it in years. He was around the house somewhere, and he was safe.

The pilot lay for a few minutes trying to get back to sleep. Deciding that wasn't going to happen, he sat up with a groan and a yawn, and scratched the back of his head. "Ugh..." Cid stood to go to the bathroom and brush his teeth. Pulled on his clothes, trudged downstairs, tossed some bread in the toaster, needed caffeine. Even Shera wasn't up at this hour. Cid had gotten a lot nicer to her over the past few years. He knew he was perfectly able to make his own tea and breakfast...some of the time. As the sun rose higher, he looked out the window, eyeing his Tiny Bronco.

"Hey Captain?"

Cid looked out from underneath the plane he was working on to see Felix in his blue airplane pyjamas, dragging his mini Venus Gospel behind him, his Quicksilver gun tucked in the elastic of his pants.

"Yes, sir?" the pilot responded, happy to see the boy.

"What're you doing?" Felix asked.

"Just trying to get her to fly again," said Cid, standing up and wiping his hands on the front of his shirt. He'd been trying to get her to fly again for years.

"Can I ride her?" Felix got excited as he carefully laid his unsharp spear on the ground. "Course ya can," Cid lifted him up and set him in the cockpit. "Oh, wait," the pilot removed the goggles from his head and put them on Felix's. "There ya go. Now you look as handsome as your old man," he gave a proud smile. Felix grinned and pretended to steer the plane, pulling out his gun to shoot the invisible monsters he was flying after.

"Pew! Pew! Bang! HAH!" he yelled when he shot one straight in the forehead. Just then, he got reckless and lost the hold on his gun, which fell to the ground. "Son of a--"

"Felix!" Cid put his hand to the boy's mouth before the next inevitable word came out. He looked around nervously to make sure no one was around to hear before he removed his hand. Deciding that the coast was clear, he bent down to pick up Felix's gun. "Have ya seen your Daddy this morning?" he asked.

"Aye," Felix took the gun, inspecting it carefully for any scratches. "Smiffy was scared of the fiends again. I told him there weren't any fiends around, and even if there were, I'd kill 'em." He licked his thumb, rubbed off a bit of dirt, and continued his inspection. "Said I wasn't a good aim and my gun isn't even loaded and he went to go get Daddy." He finished polishing the gun and aimed it at a nearby tree.

"Do you ever get scared of the fiends?" Cid asked, adjusting the goggles that were sliding down Felix's forehead.

"Nah, not really," the boy shrugged. Cid couldn't tell if that was entirely true or not. "Smiff says I should be cos that's how Mum and Dad were killed." He shrugged again and tried to find more dirty spots on his gun.

Cid had wanted to ask for a while, but wasn't sure if it was an appropriate question for a six year old. Figuring it couldn't hurt, he forced it out. "Are you happy here, Lixie?" Felix looked at him and gave him an honest smile, "Mmhm," and nodded vigorously. Cid lovingly roughed up his son's hair, happy with the answer. "Is Smith happy?" he ventured.

"Umm...Yeah, I guess so. I don't see why not. He's always all mopey though," followed by another shrug. Cid nodded.

Cid wouldn't dwell on emotions any more this morning. "You hungry?" he changed the subject when they smelled Shera's breakfast coming from the house.


	16. I'm The Joke, I'm The Bastard

Yes, this story's all yaoi / slash / m/m / whatever you wanna call it. So just go ahead and skedaddle if you don't wanna deal with all that, cos I don't wanna hear about it.

This one isn't exactly finished.

I just don't know how to end it.

Also, I might end up splitting this chapter in two. I'm not sure yet.

Also also, biting fetish Vincent is seriously...the hottest thing. Ever.

(Characters belong to Squeeeeenix.)

(But Felix and Smith are all mine!)

(_The thoughts. __They look like this_)

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**16. Marked In Your Words; I'm The Joke, I'm The Bastard.**

(Vincent's POV & Narrator's POV)

-------------------------

It had been almost two years since the last nightmare. I had faint memories of waking up frightened and living in fear, but it all had begun to slip away until it was simply placed in the back of my mind. It was where I didn't have to care anymore.

I sat there, drawing a blank for a moment.

"What?" I asked. I needed to hear the question again to have it register properly.

Felix giggled and repeated the question: "What happened to your arm?"

It was innocent. He and Smith had meant no harm by it. They didn't know any better. They were too young to understand, let alone hear, all that I had managed to forget.

_So how do I explain?_

Slowly. Carefully.

"It was for an experiment."

Their eyes went wide with interest and curiosity.

"Did it work?" Felix asked.

After some thought, I answered truthfully. "I think so, but...I don't really know."

"Did it hurt?" Smith asked quietly, putting his little hand on my cold metal one, showing honest concern.

At this point, Cid interjected. "Why don't you guys go play outside for a while. Maybe Aunt Shera could go out and keep an eye on you?" Shera nodded at the hint and stood up to lead the way out back. Felix nodded and followed her. Smith stayed for a second more. He looked up at me and our eyes met. I think he had tried to smile. Maybe he understood some sort of loss. Maybe he knew that they had hit a sensitive subject and was trying to apologize. Maybe he was simply trying to make me feel better. He gave my cold hand a squeeze before turning to join his brother.

It was quiet.

I wasn't sure what I needed just then. A hug, to be alone, to sit, to talk, to get angry... Cid was looking at me, waiting patiently for my response. "Thanks," I said quietly, avoiding eye contact and deciding to go to our bedroom. Maybe I'd be able to sleep for a while and would feel better when I woke in an hour or two. I was scared that I would become haunted again. That I would revert back to my old ways and become unfit to lead the life I led now.

--------------------------------------------------

The door felt heavy. The closed window shades made the room dark and uninviting. Vincent stood in the doorway, head hung in shame. He didn't even notice anyone come up behind him; only felt himself being turned around to face Cid who was wrapping his arms around him. Vincent didn't want to cry, he hated it, but he couldn't help but feel as though he should. "Why did it have to...?"

Although the question was left unfinished, Cid knew what Vincent meant, and he did his best to comfort. "They didn't know, Vince. They didn't know. They'd never do anything to hurt you. They're just curious, is all. You knew it was bound to happen sometime."

"I know, I know, I just don't want--" Vincent tried to hide his face against Cid's shoulder. "I don't those memories. I want to forget it all ever happened. I only want to remember you..." he trailed off.

"Shh, it's okay, love," Cid led Vincent to the bed so they could get more comfortable. Past experience told the pilot that this could potentially be a long afternoon, but Vincent seemed to be handling the situation much better than either of them expected.

There was a long silence.

"But I feel the same as I did this morning," Vincent thought out loud. "I'm still human, right?"

"Of course," Cid responded obviously.

"And you still love me?"

"Always, Vinny."

"So I really am alright?"

"Hey, come on now. What've I always told you?"

"Sit down, shut up, and drink my goddamn tea?" Vincent tried to laugh a little, but it came out kind of choked.

"Well, yes, that too," Cid smiled. "But what about the parts where I say that you're beautiful, and I love you more than absolutely anything, and you make me the happiest little boy in the whole world?"

Vincent laughed a little clearer at that, his feelings of needing to cry fading.

Again, they lay silent for a while.

"I think I'm going to be okay," Vincent said sleepily.

"I know ya will," Cid mumbled his drowsy response.

--------------------------------------------------

Cid awoke a while later to slight, sharp pains at his neck and shoulder. "Hnh? Vince? No, Vincent." He tried to bat the assailant away and closed his eyes again, only to feel the sharp nipping continue. "Goddammit, will you get your goddamn vampire ass away from me? I guess you really are feeling better," He pushed at Vincent's head.

"But it's fun." Vincent tried to make another pass for Cid's neck, but the pilot kept his palm firmly against his attacker's forehead.

"Right. Fun for you maybe. That shit hurts." Cid continued to keep Vincent at bay.

"Come on, you know you like it." Vincent made another advance, but failed.

"I'm not doin' this with other people in the house." Cid lowered his voice so as not to be heard. Letting Vincent get rough was usually a noisy experience.

"Shera took the boys for dinner and a movie," Vincent taunted.

"Goddammit!" Cid cursed and Vincent ducked under his arm and dove forward, sinking his teeth right into the sensitive spot where the pilot's shoulder and neck met.

"Son of a bitch!" Cid shouted and shoved wicked Vincent off of the bed. "Quit tryin' ta fucken bite me!"

Vincent sat on the floor giggling madly, while Cid sat on the bed turned away and pouting. His pride was a little bit wounded, along with his poor neck. Vincent couldn't help but feel a little bad, and if he was going to get what he wanted, he thought he should try to be nice. He stopped his laughter and stood, draping his arms over Cid's shoulders from behind, placing warm, delicate kisses on the red teeth marks he had given.

"You're pissin' me off, Vince. Don't try an' act nice now, ya goddamn demon," Cid protested harshly.

"Aw, Ciddy, I was only playing with you," Vincent tried to coax him out of his mood.

"Playing? Like hell," Cid huffed, figuring out what to do with the villain. The warm tongue that was grazing the bite marks wasn't helping in the least. Cid shuddered at the light contact. The tongue traced upwards and brushed against his earlobe momentarily, before he felt teeth delicately nipping at it. It felt amazing, but Cid knew it would escalate. He never knew for sure how far it would go, and always tried to make Vincent stop before any blood was drawn, afraid that he would end up being seriously hurt before long.

Cid wasn't planning on letting Vincent get to that point tonight though. He grabbed the thinner man's arms, forced him onto his back, sat on his waist, and pinned his arms to the bed. Vincent's eyes grew wide with momentary fear as he struggled to free himself from the restriction.

"I fucking said _no_." Cid growled slowly and leaned to kiss Vincent forcefully, though he didn't stop struggling against Cid's hold. He wanted his arms around his lover. "For fuck's sake, quitcher damn squirmin', ya bastard," Cid cuffed him against the jaw and Vincent went still. It wasn't enough to be painful, but enough to let Vincent know he wouldn't have much say in what happened tonight. The fear had slipped from his face and was replaced by a lecherous smirk.

"I swear to God, Vince..." Cid didn't even know what the hell he was talking about and cut himself off with another fierce kiss to the beautiful mouth below him. He worked to remove both of their shirts, then their pants, kissing Vincent's neck and chest, circling his tongue around a hard nipple. "_Fuck_!" He suddenly bit down hard, making Vincent cry out in pain. "Mmm, fuckyessss..." Vincent hissed as he came down from the shock of the bite.

Cid continued his trail down Vincent's stomach, nipping at wherever he felt was necessary, and especially viciously just above Vincent's thigh, finding it another perfect spot to masticate his revenge, noticing how Vincent's pained howls were surprisingly arousing. He moved on to tease the gunman's cock with his tongue before taking him fully into his mouth, urged on by the moans he was eliciting from his former assailant.

He stopped though, much to Vincent's dismay, to pick the gunman up and take him to the desk across the room, knocking papers and other various things onto the floor to make room before setting Vincent on the desktop. "What do you want, Valentine?" Cid asked between fiery kisses. "Ahh...please," Vincent begged. "I want you to fuck me..."

The pilot reached into the desk drawer for the bottle of lube he knew was there. After he prepared himself and Vincent, he pushed his length gently against the gunman's entrance, teasing him. "Cid, more, _more_," Vincent breathed heavily. Cid pushed forward forcibly, gasping at the tightness that quickly took him in. Vincent threw his head back at the delightfully painful advancement. "This what you want?" the pilot asked roughly, thrusting deep and rapidly.

"Ngh...yes..._harder_, Cid...ah, yes..." Every thrust forced Vincent's breath out of him, making it difficult to speak. The sensations were excruciatingly enjoyable and Vincent knew he wasn't going to be able to last much longer. He reached down to stroke himself, but Cid swatted his hand away. "What do you want?" he asked for the second time. "Touch...ngh-ahh...Touch me. Make me come," Vincent insisted through clenched teeth, holding on to Cid's shoulders. The pilot did as he was told, gripping Vincent's cock tightly, jerking him with the rhythm of the thrusting.

Vincent moaned uncontrollably, biting into Cid's upper arm, as his orgasm surged through him. Cid came right after, groaning and cursing Vincent, the sharp sensation exciting him, adding to his feelings of ecstasy.

"Gah...you vampire bastard..." Cid said out of breath, and pulled out of Vincent, causing the thinner man to wince at the slight pain. Vincent licked at the few small dots of blood that were forming on Cid's arm. It was beginning to sting now. "I told ya...quit...fucken biting me."

"I'm sorry," Vincent had had his uncommonly animalistic sexual needs satiated and he was calm now, nuzzling into his partner's neck, placing soft kisses on his jaw line. "I'm sorry, Ciddy," he whispered, asking for forgiveness. Cid lifted Vincent from the table and brought him gently back to the bed. "Oh, I guess it's arright," he sighed.


	17. I Shot A Man Named Reno

This chapter is definitely not finished, and may never be / I have an idea of where I want to go with it, but I'm not sure yet. Anybody willing to add to it is more than welcome to! hehe

This is where I begin to run out of ideas. It gets kind of goofy. But I find it entertaining.

The title cracks me up. But...that might just be me : P

I heart Reno so damn much.

(Characters belong to Squeeeeenix.)

(But Felix and Smith are all mine!)

(And Bacon!)

(_The thoughts. __They look like this_)

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**17. I Shot A Man Named Reno Just To Watch Him Die/Bringing Home The Bacon.**

(Narrator's POV)

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"I wish I could go with you. And Shera's with her mum. I'm going to be left all alone."

"Nah ya won't. You got the kid-muffins to keep ya company," Cid paused his bag packing to give Vincent a kiss.

"Yes, a week all alone with the...kid-muffins?" Vincent really couldn't figure Cid out sometimes. "I have so much work to get done, and I have to go over that work with Reeve, and I have to go run Reeve-Errands in the city..."

"I have to run Reeve-Errands too," Cid stuffed a pair of pants into his bag.

Vincent immediately took the pants out and folded them neatly. "But you don't have two small children to bring along with you."

"I have a whole damn team of damn new recruits to take with me. I can fold my own clothes, Mother."

"No, you can't, Cid," Vincent watched him ball up a t-shirt and toss it in the bag. "And I still contend that the boys are more of a handful than a crew of full grown men."

"Oh, quitcher poutin', Sunshine," Cid disappeared into the bathroom, returning with his toothbrush.

"But I've never watched the kids for that long by myself. I'm worried about it. And I'm going to miss you, Ciddy," Vincent looked up at Cid with his best pitiful puppy dog eyes.

Cid sighed and went to shut the bedroom door. "I'm gonna miss you too, Vampy," he said and moved his bag to the floor. He sat on the bed, grabbing Vincent and pulling him down so they could lay next to each other.

"I've been telling you for years. I'm not a--"

"Hush. Yes you are."

"Okay." Vincent hushed.

Cid kissed Vincent's forehead. "Why don't you give the kids to Tifa for a few days? I'll go call her and ask her. Sound good?"

Vincent nodded, his thumb stroking the pilot's scraggly chin.

"Yeah it's prob'ly gonna be a tough week, but ya know, I really don't wanna leave ya with that miserable look on your pretty face." Cid stood to find his phone.

"Wait a sec," Vincent sprang up behind him, tugging at his shirt collar and nipping at his shoulder.

"Ow, you damn rat!" Cid started to yell, but lost the urge when he heard Vincent's quiet laughter in his ear. "Fine. I'll let you get away with it this once. Next time though..." He turned to face Vincent, who was still snickering, smiling, and looking much happier than he did a few moments ago. "Finally. That's what I like to see. I'm glad you get amusement from my pain." He tilted his head up and pressed his lips against Vincent's. They kissed lazily until Cid grew concerned about the time.

"Arright, Vince--"

Vincent pulled Cid back toward him, cutting him off with another kiss.

"Vinny, love, I gotta--"

Vincent wrapped his arms around Cid, assaulting his mouth.

"Quit it, Vince," Cid laughed and managed to wiggle out of the gunman's grasp and phoning Tifa before he could be trapped again.

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"Smix, come gimme huggies!" Cid called as he ran down the stairs, grabbed the nearest child, and headed out the front door. "You guys are gonna go spend a few days with Marlene and Denzel. Is that arright?"

Felix ran out from the front room. "Yeeeaaahhhh!!" And ran back again.

Smith nodded, hiding his face in Cid's jacket.

"I know you'll behave, Smiffy. Try to rub off on your brother," he hugged Smith tight and set him down. "And you, Flicks," he managed to snatch up the other boy. "You be good, listen to yer Daddy, and watch yer mouth. Ya got it?"

"Yes sir, Captain!"

"Love ya, boys. Have fun," he set Felix down and saluted the boys. They stood straight and saluted back, making Cid grin proudly.

"And you, Vampy," Cid embraced Vincent and lifted the taller man up.

"Ah! Cid!" Vincent was caught off guard. "Cid, some of the neighbours are staring," he laughed.

"I don't care; I love ya! I love ya so much, I wanna make a samwich outta ya!" He set Vincent down and kissed him one last time.

"I love you too, Highwind."

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Vincent found out, almost thankfully, that he had no time to miss the pilot that morning. Almost thankfully. He spent a good amount of time looking around the house and making sure he'd packed everything he, Felix, and Smith would need. Keys, phone, toys, money, clothes, weapons, colouring books... It would seem as though they were ready to leave.

It was a fairly easy journey to the city. Vincent kept the children in line and occupied by telling stories of when AVALANCHE quested after Sephiroth, and answering the hundreds of questions that the stories created.

"Here we go, almost there. Turn left here," Vincent directed.

"Which one's left?" "I think it's that one ahead." "No, I bet it's this one."

"No, boys, that's the right. And that way...well, that's just straight. Come on," Vincent led them to the left and opened the door to their destination.

"I wanna push the escalator button!"

"That's an elevator, Felix. Hey, no running!"

After an argument over who exactly would push which buttons on the way up now, and on the way down later, they reached the office of Reeve Tuesti. Vincent sighed, reminding himself that he had good children; there was a fairly good chance they probably wouldn't break anything. He opened the door.

"Vincent! How are you?" Reeve was happy to see his friend.

"Fine, thank you," Vincent was having a hard time pulling Smith into the room. "I had to bring Smith and Felix. They shouldn't cause any trouble though."

"Not a problem! I haven't seen you boys since you were just little. I have a friend here you can play with."

"Cat!" Felix shouted and ran to Cait Sith, who showed off by doing a backflip.

"No running! Smiffy, come on. We have things to do," Vincent couldn't lure the boy in.

Reeve stuck his head out the door. "Hey Smith. What's up?"

Smith stared, slack jawed and silent.

"If you come in, you can have one of these," Reeve held out a couple of lollipops. "One for you, one for your brother."

Smith looked at Vincent, who nodded his approval, and cautiously stepped into the office. "Thank you, Mr. Reeve sir," he said politely as he received his treat.

"No problem. Why don't you go on over there and play with Cait Sith?" Reeve suggested and motioned for Vincent to come sit so they could go over plans and other tedious papers and work.

"Do you want to try it?" Smith offered his lollipop to Cait.

"Nah, toy cats don't eat."

"That's really sad. I'm sorry."

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"Okay boys, I need you to stay close. We need to go pick up a few things, then we can head to Tifa's house," Vincent dreaded having to run his errands. As well behaved as the boys could be, they were still only children. They couldn't be expected to behave as adults.

"Yo! Valentine!"

Vincent felt a body jump against his and two arms wrapped around him from behind. In an instant, he had his Cerberus whipped out and pointed at...

"Reno. Don't you ever do anything like that again."

"Aw, but I saw you, and I got excited! Woah, down boys," Reno noticed Smith and Felix aiming their own unloaded weapons at his head. "These are your kids, huh? Wait, yo, you gave your kids guns?"

"Yes." Vincent stated simply.

"That's pretty rad, Valentine," Reno said, but was still unsure if he was safe.

"Oh, but they're not loaded sir, see?" Smith undid the safety and cocked the gun. He held the barrel up to Felix's head and pulled the trigger several times. "We're not old enough to have annumition."

Vincent was somewhat worried that Smith would barely speak to Reeve, but immediately start talking to Reno.

Reno wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or be slightly terrified. "Dude. That is fucked up."

"Language!" Both boys shouted and each held up three fingers.

"Ya got two more warnings, and then ya gotta go to time out," Felix explained. It was a process with which he was well aware.

"The stakes are a bit higher for you; watch what you say and I won't have Chaos rip you apart," Vincent threatened quietly enough to where only Reno could hear. Reno nodded; he knew not to fuck with Vincent Valentine.

"Felix, Smith, this is Reno. He's a..." Vincent paused to wonder what exactly Reno was. "He's an old friend." He motioned for the small troupe to keep walking, and Reno tagged along.

"So, Reno, what are you doing here?" Vincent asked.

"Just hangin' out, yo. Got a few days off, just killin' some time."

"The you're not busy right now?"

"Uh, no...yes?...No?" Reno began to realize he may have gotten into something.

"I need you to keep an eye on the boys for half an hour," Vincent said.

"But I've never had kids before, yo," Reno protested.

"And thank God for it." Vincent thought for a minute. He scanned the area and pointed down the street. "Look. There's a toy store," he reached into his pocket and pulled out some gil. "Just take them there and let them each pick something out. I'll meet you there once I've finished my errands." Vincent gave the gil to Reno and kneeled down to talk to the boys. "Reno's going to take you to get something to play with. Don't cause a lot of trouble for him. And no pulling out weapons in the store. I'll come get you in about thirty minutes."

The boys agreed, said their goodbyes, and holstered their guns.

"And Reno," Vincent pulled the Turk aside. "You do know that I have absolutely no problems with hurting you, right?"

Reno nodded.

"And you know that I will not hesitate to kill you if anything bad happens to my children, right?"

"Yeah, man," Reno liked Vincent, but the gunman could really scare the shit out of him. "I got it, yo. Reno 911 to the rescue," he laughed, trying to lighten the mood. It didn't work. "Won't let 'em outta my sight."

With that, Vincent left, hoping he'd been correct in assuming that Reno could be a little mature and responsible, just this once.

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"Daddy! Daddy, look! His name is Bacon!" Smith ran toward Vincent, holding a squirmy little puppy; a scruffy German shepherd mix with big floppy ears. Felix ran behind, holding the dog's leash. And Reno lagging behind, looking absolutely terrified, holding a pet store bag.

Vincent stalked toward the Turk. "You bought them a Bacon?!" He grabbed Reno's neck with his metal claw and shoved him against a wall. The barrel of the Cerberus was once again resting on Reno's temple. "I'm going to fucking kill you!"

"Wait, yo, fer serious, that little one, uhh, Smiffy! He saw that dude right down there, he was sellin' some puppies, yo, I couldn't stop 'em!" Reno honestly thought that he was probably going to die very soon.

"They're five and six years old, Reno. You're a Turk for fuck's sake! If a Turk cannot stand up against a child... What the hell are they teaching you these days?" Vincent was almost ashamed of his Turk background. He cocked his gun.

"No, dude, please don't kill me, yo! Just...just look! Man, how can you say 'no' to that?" Reno gestured towards the boys. The puppy was running back and forth, jumping on top of one boy, then the other, knocking them over. Felix was loving every bit of this, which was to be expected. But so was Smith, who was laughing and smiling and playing, and actually acting happy. That wasn't something that Vincent saw enough of, and although the urge to kill was still very present, he let his hands drop to his sides. "I hate you, Reno."

Vincent went to get the boys. "Come on. And you too."

"Me? I thought you wanted to kill me," Reno bounded up alongside Vincent.

"I do," Vincent responded. "But you're going to help take care of our new friend."

"...Oh. ...Isn't the exit to Rocket Town way back that way, yo?"

"We're not going to Rocket Town. We're going to see Cloud."

"Son of a bitch..." Reno wasn't entirely thrilled.

"Language!" the boys shouted, each holding up two fingers.

--------------------------------------------------

"Tifa, I'm very sorry, but we had to come with two extra guests," Vincent said as he entered the Seventh Heaven.

"That's okay, we've got plenty of room for everybody," Tifa set her dishtowel down and went to greet them. "Ah! Reno!" she cried as the crazy red haired man attacked her with a hug. "You were the last person I expected to see," she laughed.

"Yeah, well, I sorta accidentally bought Valentine's kids a dog," he laughed nervously.

"Hey guys, did you have a nice trip over?" Tifa asked the boys. They nodded. "Aww, he's a cute little guy!" She leaned down to scratch Bacon's ears as he began to wee on the floor.

A simple look from Vincent sent Reno to get some paper towels.

"Why don't you all head upstairs. Marlene and Denzel will show you where your rooms are. You can wash up, and I'll finish getting lunch together," Tifa instructed.


End file.
